Dec 2020

It doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen often enough.  Someone will say to me, “you are such a good writer” and while I appreciate the compliment, I never took writing classes.  I just speak from my heart.  It does, however, put a little pressure on me to turn out a “good” Christmas letter.  I often re-read my letter from the previous year before I sit down to write the current year and this year was no different.  And at the end I found myself crying and maybe next year when I read this letter, I will find myself emotional as well.  I write these letters almost for myself as much as for you because when I read them years later it’s like a diary entry.  My year in review so to speak.  So, with that said, let me dive into this year’s letter and hope it turns out well.

I think we all went into 2020 with hope because it was the start of a new DECADE and there is something about a new decade that makes one feel like they are closing one chapter and starting a new chapter.  And, in many ways 2020 did not fail in that regard.  Life after 2020 will never be the same as life before 2020.  I heard a comedian ask, “When will “2020” become a curse word?  That’s a bunch of 2020!”  And while this year hasn’t been easy, on any of us, I don’t think 2020 deserves to be thought of as “shit”.  I 100% believe that challenges either make us or break us.  Very rarely do we learn things when times are easy.  It’s when times are tough that we learn who we really are and 2020 gave us an abundance of opportunities to look at ourselves and it gave us some pretty great gifts.  We have a new appreciation for touch and for time in nature.  We have a new appreciation for toilet paper and fully stocked grocery shelves.  We have a new appreciation for front line and essential workers.  There were many things in our lives that we have taken for granted and didn’t appreciate that we do now.  As well as a host of things we thought were important but now realize really aren’t that important after all.

I will never forget this conversation; it was November 2017 and my father had just celebrated his 80th birthday.  It was a few days after the party during a visit that he asked me if I was going to throw my mother an 80th birthday party.  I assured him that I would do something to commemorate the milestone and he said, “My goal is to make it to her 80th.”  “Daddy, that’s almost two years away.  Do you want to live that long?”  “No” was his answer.  I found myself thinking about that conversation so many times.  I would see him decline and think “ok, here we go” and then he would rebound and keep going and I would think there is no way he will make it to her birthday.  They say that the spirit is strong and people will make it to milestones and then “let go”.  My mother’s 80th birthday was February 13, 2020 and my dad died on March 11th.  Less than one month after making it to my mom’s 80th birthday.  My father was always stubborn and this was no exception.  He did not die of covid-19.  He died from PSP.  When he first became ill, I told him that I would have his back no matter what happened.  It wasn’t easy, there were many instances where having his back meant angering my family but at the heart of all my decisions was what would Dad want?  Shortly before he died my mother called me and told me that he had been non-responsive for 24 hours and that hospice said he was “transitioning”.  Mary and I came down and within 5 minutes of getting there he came back to us.  Mary and I spent two days with him and they were profound.  That was the first of March and he rebounded again.  On Tuesday March 10th I came for my regular visit and took one look at him and decided I needed to spend the night.  I knew he needed me to get up throughout the night to administer his morphine to keep him comfortable and that is what I did.  My dad was adamant that I not be there when he died so when I left the next morning I said, “Daddy, I am going home so you can too.  I love you.”  And I left.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I wanted to be there with him at the end but that wasn’t what he wanted.  Staying that night and fulfilling my promise to have his back right up until the end is one of my proudest moments and if I do nothing else with my life fulfilling that promise to him is enough.

Because my focus was on my Dad and the end of his life, I wasn’t paying attention to the news.  My first inkling something was wrong was a comment from a friend about toilet paper.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  Daddy died on a Wednesday, we went to the mortuary on Thursday and made arrangements, on Friday they called and said we couldn’t have the reception and the number of people were limited to 14, on Tuesday night while we were at the viewing the governor closed the restaurants so mom’s back up plan now needed a back up plan.  Mike and Cyndi got up early on the morning of Dad’s service and went to the store and bought everything they needed to do a lunch at home.  We couldn’t have people at the viewing, or the funeral and it made me so mad.  I thought they were over reacting.  There was plenty of room to social distance and still have more than 14 people at the service.  I look back and realize how naïve I was.  I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  And I certainly didn’t know what was coming down the line.  At the time I was being selfish and wanted my friends with me during my grief.  I had two friends show up for the viewing and one really great friend at the funeral and that was it.  I wrote Dad’s eulogy and as I stood up there facing just my family it seemed redundant to give a eulogy but I knew my Dad deserved to hear what I had to say and I know that he was there with us so I gave it for him. 

When they closed everything up, I started sewing masks for the nursing home that took great care of Dad, then it was my vet, then another assisted living facility and then finally for my students.  I became a “mask maker”.  Therese and Mary helped me along the way and all told I had a hand in making and distributing over 800 masks.  It felt good to keep people safe and it was a great distraction from my fresh grief.

In June Michael’s sister, Micheel, died from cancer.  She was diagnosed in November 2019, just two months after Edie died and she fought a hard short battle.  6 months.  I think of her husband and kids.  How quickly their life was altered then shattered.  6 months.  She was 52 years old.  6 months.  Life can turn on a dime.  8 months and Michael lost his mother and sister.
After she died, I realized that in four years Michael and I have lost two dogs, two parents, a sibling and a niece.  We have had a crash course on death and grief.   

The initial close down was hard on us financially but “pandemic puppies” were a real thing.  Hell, they still are.  Once I was able to open back up and teach it was puppies, puppies, and more puppies.  They were everywhere!  And they saved our bacon.  Being able to teach outside made group classes low risk and a much-needed social outlet for the humans and my classes were full to the brim.  I spent my summer in the hot sun with a mask on and was grateful to be working.  Since Michael works in medical equipment, he is considered essential.  We were lucky.  I know other small business owners who didn’t make it. 

In September we went to Lake Powell.  It was the first time for Walter and Athena and it was an interesting trip.  We had a day with thick smoke from the forest fires that prevented you from seeing the canyon wall across the bay as well as some really bad, cold weather that forced us to stay in the boat for two days.  But, despite the weather it was refreshing to be at the lake again.  I’m so grateful Daddy gave us the lake as a lasting legacy.  It was great fun to watch Walter and Athena experience “the lake”.  Not to mention Robert brought his girlfriend so it was great to meet her.  For a year now I wasn’t quite sure this mythical “Andrea” even existed.

In October Monica, Corey and Athena moved to Bella Vista, Arkansas.  Corey received a big promotion and we are quite proud of him.  The only downside to the promotion was the relocation to Arkansas.  They purchased a really lovely brand-new home and Monica can be a full-time mommy now.  It’s such a bittersweet thing.  I was looking forward to spending more time with Athena after my Dad died and now, they are 12 hours away.  I’m happy for them, but sad for me.   

Walter continues to come into his own.  He’s turning out to be quite a character as well as a snuggle on the couch kind of pup.  Stanley is rocking it as he ages.  He has arthritis but he doesn’t let that keep him down.  We still hike and snowshoe and stay active.
As I sit here and think about the year the theme that comes to mind is “resilient”.  As I grow older and experience more death and grief, I realize that I am quite resilient.  It’s not that I don’t feel deep grief.  I do.  To my core.  But I also feel deep love and gratitude.  To my core.  Both of these shape me.  In his new book Matthew McConaughey said, “you have three choices.  Concede, proceed or pivot.”  I choose to pivot.  Over and over again.  Some would call it pivoting and some would call it growth.  It is my belief that 2020 forced many people to learn to be resilient.  To pivot.  To grow.  Who I am today is not who I was last year.  And it won’t be who I am next year. 

I think life is like water.  If it isn’t flowing it becomes stagnant.  I won’t become stagnant.  I will take what life throws at me and use it to keep on flowing. 

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.  Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow.  Let reality be reality.  Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
~Lao Tzu

As we all step into a new year, may we all remember to let reality be reality and let things flow naturally.  May we all look back at 2020 not with distain but with gratitude for all the opportunities it gave us to grow.  To develop our own resiliency.  I know many of you may think I am just being a positive Polly Anna.  That 2020 really was a shitty year but it does remind me of this old joke.

Worried that their son was too optimistic, the parents of a little boy took him to a psychiatrist. In an attempt to dampen the boy’s spirits, the psychiatrist showed him into a room piled high with nothing but horse manure. Instead of displaying distaste, the little boy clambered to the top of the pile and began digging.
“What are you doing?” the psychiatrist asked.
“With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere.”

Where was YOUR pony in 2020?  Mine was Daddy being released from a body that was insufferable at the end.  A friend wrote in her sympathy card, “I hope when your Daddy passed, his soul said “Wheeeeee!” and left behind that body.  You will miss him every day, for the rest of your life, but keep your eyes open.  He’ll be back for visits.”  And he has been. 

There has been so much death this year, for so many people but I believe many of those who passed said, “Wheeeee!”

Life is a continuous thread. 
It weaves itself through love and memory and remains a part of everyone it has touched. 
All the death this year has touched us all and will remain with us for the rest of our lives. 
2020 has changed us in ways that most years don’t.  We just have choice…
whether we look at the shit or search for the pony. 
I hope you search for the pony. 

May the new year bring you more joy than sorrow,
more health than illness,
more prosperity than scarcity,
and may you always know how much you are loved.

Last week we laid my father to rest.  This was my eulogy. 

The father I knew was a man of his generation. A devout Catholic who was hard-working, stubborn opinionated and gruff. I will admit as a child and teenager I was a little bit scared of him sometimes. I had many friends who wouldn't even call the house for fear of my dad and his annoyed “Hello?” when he answered the phone. And it seemed like he always answered the phone. For many people that gruff man was the only version of my father that they saw. But, like all of us he had many facets and used his experiences in this life to grow and change.

He started his career with the USGS as a surveyor in the field and that adventurous exploring spirit never left him even when he got his desk job at the federal center. To fill that need he took his family on great vacations. The most amazing family vacation was a trip to Alaska. It was on that trip that I saw a moose so close I could almost touch it. We had camped one night at a hot spring’s campground. Walking back from the springs down this wooden boardwalk surrounded by thick forest on each side we came into a clearing and there it was. Right there in all its gigantic glory just standing there in the marsh. We didn’t linger to get photo but I'll never forget that or all the other adventures that happened on that trip. Like going to Chicken, Alaska, hearing about my mother getting hit on at a bar while trying to get ice or getting a flat tire and my mom and I waving towels to keep the mosquitoes off my dad and brother while they changed it. We saw the Alaskan pipeline and the amazing scenery of Alaska and Canada. You can't drive almost 10,000 miles and not see God's handiwork everywhere.
While the Alaska trip was epic the place with the most memories for us as a family was Lake Powell. Ask anyone in the family and they will have a multitude of memories to share with you. Everything from “I can't hear you!” to “Who wants to go skiing?” or “Tighten that anchor rope” to “The gold medal for the flipper run in beach Olympics is...” Don't get me wrong while most of the memories are happy, we had our fair share of bad memories at the lake as well. From scary storms, or the time my brother’s fireworks set the mountain on fire to Mike’s accident. All those experiences – the good and the bad – tied us together as a family and gave us the lake as one of Dad's legacy. None of us would have those memories if Dad hadn't wanted to explore every mile of that Lake. When going to the lake was no longer possible for my parents my heart broke just a little.
My Dad was so much more than the disease that took his life and PSP took a toll on each of us in different ways. But this awful disease also gave me my father in ways I would never have imagined and for that I am grateful. You see, my siblings had more time, year's more, with my dad to make memories with him. When he was diagnosed, I knew time was limited and precious so what I lacked in quantity I had to made up with quality. I spent a lot of time with him these last few years while he was sick and watched as his hard shell started cracking. He was allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable with me and allowed me to care for him. From blowing his nose to helping him eat. Some would say I spoiled him but what was really happening was the expression of a deep abiding love. Flowing both ways, from me to him and from him to me.
We spent a lot of time just being together watching TV or listening to Mike Rowe’s podcast, “The way I heard it” but we also spent a lot of time talking and he shared his life and memories with me. I told him about my life, my beliefs and my feelings. Things that I had always been afraid or too embarrassed to share with my gruff no-nonsense father. We talked about God and church, death and dogs. Nothing was off-limits. It was through these conversations that I started to see the other side of my dad. A person like me had fears and flaws. My father was a loyal man who loved his wife deeply for over 58 years and was determined to make it to her 80th birthday. He never stopped worrying about her well-being and would have given anything to take care of her until her last day here on Earth. I’m sure he who would gladly swap places with her right now to save her from grief and loneliness.
I have deep respect for my father and the life that he lived. All of us have benefited from being connected to my Dad. It's from my father that I got my stubbornness, which I prefer to call determination, and hard-working nature, my love of photography and adventure as well as my faith in God and love for family.
Because of all the things my father did in his life I think the thing he is most proud of was being a husband and a father.
My Dad loved his family and had a huge heart even if you didn't always see it.

There is no denying that a new puppy is exciting and fun but also a LOT of work.  What you do now makes a big difference on their behavior later in life so if you are getting ready to bring a new puppy home here is my list of what you need to be successful.

Food and Treats - This the fuel your puppy uses to grow big and strong   

• Food designed specifically for puppies – This is a must.  It’s ideal to get a small bag of food from the breeder and use it to transition to the food you are going to be feeding the dog.  Feed the best food you can afford and education yourself about nutrition.
• Treats for training – Training starts the moment you get home so you better have some treats ready to go.   Keep the treats small and reward everything that the puppy does right and soon he will be doing more right than wrong things.  Look for treats with ingredients that you can pronounce and stay away from inferior treats with colors added. 

 
Supplies – This is all the “boring” stuff you need.   

• Water bowl – You need a water bowl that is easy to clean and hard to tip over.  I recommend using food toys for meals so you don’t need a food bowl.  Just a water bowl.
• A treat bag – You should be rewarding your puppy for all the right things and if you put treats in your pocket you’ll end up washing more than you care to admit.  If you leave them in the bag you will inadvertently teach your puppy the wrong thing.  If you use a treat bag your voice “Yes, Smart Puppy!” indicates great things are going to happen not the crinkle of a treat bag.
• Crate (to be replaced by a bigger one as he grows) – Using a crate will help with housetraining and it’s not “mean”.  What is “mean” is letting your puppy roam, make a bad choice and then yell at them about it.
• Dog gate(s) – Need to keep the puppy out of the fancy dining room?  No problem, use a dog gate!  Limiting the areas of the house that your puppy can roam will reduce destructive chewing and housetraining accidents.
• Soft, adjustable collar and harness -Don’t spend a lot of money on these items.  They are going to outgrow them and you’ll have to get new ones soon.  Save your money now to afford high quality equipment when they are almost adults and won’t outgrow them.
• At least one 6-foot leash -NO retractable leashes!  Just a plain leather or nylon web leash.  Again, I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on this right now.  Puppies like to chew and it’s not uncommon for a puppy to chew through a leash if you aren’t paying attention and if you buy the fancy fun leash now and your puppy chews through it you will be disappointed.
• Incontinence pads -I don’t recommend pee pads.  They are a waste of money and because you just end up throwing them away they are not good for the environment either.  If you get a few incontinence pads from a medical supply store you can wash them and reuse them.  Much kinder the to environment and a better investment in the long run.
• Cleaner – What will you use when they pee on the floor?  Better get it now and make sure it’s an enzymatic cleaner.
• Play pen / Exercise pen -Think of a crate as a crib where you puppy sleeps and a playpen as a safe place that they can hang out and play.  They have a few toys, a water bowl with ice cubes and a toilet.  This is where they stay when you can’t be monitoring them, like when you go to work.  I encourage you to get a scrap of linoleum from the hardware store so you can make a playpen area anywhere in your home.  I use ice cubes in the bowl so they can’t spill it or drink it all at once and then have to urinate.  See my handout below on “Housetraining” for additional information. 
• Grooming tools - Ask your breeder what grooming tools and shampoo you need for your breed.  Don’t skimp on quality.  Like everything, get the best you can afford because not all tools are created equally and better quality tools make the job easier.     
• Dog Bed / Cooler Bed – Which do I get?  It depends on the time of year you get your puppy and your climate.  In the summer or warmer climates it’s not uncommon to see puppies seeking out the tile floor to sleep.  Why is that?  Dogs run hotter than humans to start with and when you have a puppy who is spending their energy on growing they can run even hotter!  Use a cooler bed so that your puppy has a cool place to sleep while still protecting their growing bodies.  If you get your puppy in the winter or live in a colder climate you will need a warm bed that is designed to retain heat.  If you live someplace that has seasons you might need to get both types of bed for your puppy.    
• Temporary contact information -If you get a cheap dog name tag it’s going to wear off.  Make an investment in a stainless steel guaranteed for life tag like Red Dingo or a stamped tag from Etsy.  If you aren’t sure what style fits your puppy or they are going to grow quite a bit and can’t carry an adult size tag you can make a temporary tag.  Go to the hobby store and get a package of shrinky dinks and make your own.  If you have kids in the house it can be a fun activity for them as well.  Make sure to poke a hole in before you bake it!  This is a great option for camping and traveling as well.  You can put your campsite info or destination address on a temporary tag.

 
Toys & Chews – Can end up being expensive so make an investment instead of just an expense.

• Stuffable Food Toy – Kong™ is by far my favorite stuffable food toy for dogs.  I recommend getting at least 5 adult size (based on predicted adult weight) Kongs to use with your puppy.  One day out of the week you will stuff these Kongs using their dinner kibble.  See my handout below on “How to stuff a Kong” for more information and recipes.  I don’t use peanut butter but rather food and treats that benefit the dog, not just empty calories.  They should be getting at least one of their meals from a Kong every day.
• Food Toy for dry kibble - If you plan on feeding a dry food get at least two food toys that hold dry kibble that the puppy needs to manipulate to get the food.  See my handout below “Mental Enrichment Food Toys” for more information.  For young puppies I love a Wobbler by Kong and a Snoop by Planet Dog as my first food toys.
• Animal Chews – Bully sticks, pig’s ears, lambs ears, tracheas, no hide chews are fall into this category.  I use these sparingly and as a special treat.  All puppies are teething and need chew toys which is why I recommend using a Kong as a refillable “bone”.  I use bully sticks for bone sharing, animal handling and grooming training exercises.  See my handout below on “Bone Sharing” for more information
• Play Toys – These are toys that they get access to when they are playing with you.  These are the cute, soft, fuzzy toys that make us smile.  They are also the toys that dogs love to rip apart and can sometimes each the fabric.  So, until you know what your puppy will do with a style of toy keep these in the cabinet and pull them out when you have time to monitor and play with them.
• Balls & Bumpers – If you are going to have a hunting dog don’t let them have squeaky balls and give them bumpers instead.  If your dog is going to be a pet go ahead and give them balls, bumpers and frisbees.  If you stay in the rubber category you will still need to monitor them but they are usually more durable and therefore appropriate for self-guided play.  I love just about anything from West Paw and Planet Dog for this.
• Tug Toys – I LOVE soft fleece tug toys for puppies.  I have them in every room of the house because they are easy to make (or cheap to buy) and work great as a soft toy to redirect a biting puppy.  Don’t bite my pants, bite this instead!
  
• Toys - Get a variety of toys and rotate them.  It won't take long and you will discover their toy preference and then you can go get more of the toys they really like.
  

Education - ”I am still learning” ~Michelangelo at age 87  

• Puppy Training Class – Every puppy should attend a well-run puppy class that is taught by a trainer who specializes in puppy training.  Just like every profession there are specialties and you want someone who has the experience to spot problems early before they become major behavior issues.  You get what you pay for and this is the last place you want to pinch a few pennies. Stay away from harsh training methods and use positive age appropriate training.
• Adult Training Class – Learning with your dog should become a way of life.  Plan to attend multiple training classes (and budget for it now) so that as your dog grows their education does too.
• Books – You can learn a lot by reading but what you read matters.  Two of my favorite dog trainer’s are Suzanne Clothier and Patricia McConnell, Ph.D. 
• A Vet - You need someone who you are comfortable asking silly questions to so make sure you have a vet that will listen and talk WITH you not AT you.  If they are condescending or patronizing find someone else. 
  

I recently wrote “10 reasons I am using a breeder for my next puppy” and it was quite popular!  A few people reacted really negatively, a few mildly disappointed and a whole bunch who were supportive.  The varied responses I received showed me that there is room for education in this area as well as a general curiosity.  What makes a good breeder?  What makes a good rescue?  How do you find them?  So, this is part one of my “behind the scenes” series.  An interview with a responsible breeder.  If I can find a rescue group to sit down and talk with me that will be the next interview.

This is the breeder that I have personally selected for my next dog.  In no way am I saying that she is the only responsible breeder of standard poodles in Colorado, but she was the right fit for us.  What made her the right fit for us?  What were my criteria?  That’s a whole other blog!  For now, sit down with a cup of coffee and visit with a responsible breeder.

Please introduce yourself.  Who are you?  What is your kennel name? 
I am Taryn Harrell, and my kennel name is Le Harrell’s Standard Poodles.

How long have you been a breeder?
I have been breeding dogs since 2006. I started in toy dogs.

What is you background?  How did you become a breeder?
I have had a connection with all animals, and specifically dogs, since I was a very young child. Even before the age of ten I could read the body language of dogs and assist the adult owners in ways that they could better handle or work with their dogs to help fix behaviors. Once I became a young teenager, I started training dogs, mostly for friends, family, and neighbors. As I became a little older, I branched out to other people. It was incredibly fun and rewarding for me to do so, and my connection with dogs intensified. I soon started working with organizations as a puppy raiser for service dogs. It was a great learning opportunity, and I really enjoyed this time of my life.  Around this time I had gotten married, and with it being only the two of us I decided on chihuahuas as my first breed. I very much enjoyed my little dogs, and the few litters I had with them. I was also able to change people’s preconceptions about these dogs as mine were trained and well mannered. Just because a dog is small it doesn’t mean it needs any less training or structure.
As it often goes, my husband and I welcomed our first child, a son, around a year into our marriage. He was a typical happy, healthy, rambunctious little boy. Little did we know our world was about to be turned upside down. When he was 3 years old, he became disabled almost overnight. He had a seizure out of the blue one afternoon. At the hospital we were told everything checked out as normal, and we must have missed a fever or something, and seizures are actually quite common and it probably wouldn’t happen again. Our relief at hearing this lasted only a very short time. Within a month he was having over 100 seizures a day, and could barely walk or talk. Half our time was spent in the hospital searching for answers, and the other half was at home with our son that was now required to wear a helmet full time, catching him as he continually hit the floor. It became very apparent that it was dangerous to have such small dogs around him, and he could very easily injure them or worse with any fall or seizure. Very reluctantly I rehomed my sweet little dogs into pet homes after spaying and neutering all of them, and carefully screening the people who took them.
As my son’s condition progressed, it became very obvious that he would benefit from a service dog. Since I have a history in training service dogs, I decided to take it on myself. I researched breeds for quite some time to decide what would be ideal for our situation. Never in a million years did I imagine I would end up with a poodle. Although I knew of their characteristics, the image of the show poodle is hard to get out of my mind.
We did eventually find a wonderful breeder with just the right puppy for us to start the journey with. As I plunged myself into the training of this dog, and not just as a puppy raiser for another company, I soon saw the massive fraud in the service dog industry. Yes, as shocking as it sounds many service dog companies are taking advantage of people with disabilities, and taking large sums of money in the process. Many times, the dogs being provided to these families are untrained, temperamentally unstable, and even unhealthy. I decided I would start my own breeding program to produce just the opposite. Parents would have the ideal temperaments, and would be health tested for whatever I could test for to help insure their offspring would have a long working life. I’m very proud of the many service dogs that have come out of our breeding program. As not every puppy will make it as a service dog, I have produced dogs that have gone into sport homes, conformations homes, as working hunting dogs, and of course as loved and cherished pets!

What do you love best about poodles?
I have worked with many different dogs and breeds through my life, none of them are like a poodle! I say there’s dogs and then there’s poodles. They are incredibly intelligent and I love their brains. They are so easily trained, and they seem to understand humans on a deeper level than most dogs. They seem almost human like at time. And of course the hair. I have eight dogs that have run of my house, and there is no shedding hair or doggy smell! I don’t think I could do what I do with a different breed, I couldn’t deal with the shedding of that many adult dogs.

What do you like least about poodles?
What I love about poodles is also what makes them challenging. That same brain makes them so easy to train and work with also makes them thinkers that have a mind of their own. They can and will outsmart you! You have to stay one step ahead of them. Also, personal space doesn’t exist when you live with poodles. They have to be touching you, or at least right next to you at all times. If you live with a poodle, you will never again be alone! And that includes things like going to the bathroom! They can be sensitive, and get upset if you don’t include them in whatever you’re doing. They are certainly not a dog that can just be tossed out in the backyard, they desperately need their people.

Would you ever consider owning a different breed?
At this time, I couldn’t imagine living with another breed. They are ideal for my family and I. Never say never though 😊

What is the most common misconception you hear about poodles?
With poodles it’s definitely that they’re a foo foo show dog; all beauty with no brain. In reality they are an incredibly versatile (I would argue the most versatile) working dog. There is quite literally nothing they can’t do. Seriously. And they can be kept in any haircut or style you choose. People who have never interacted with poodles are often shocked when they meet my dogs and realize they are, in fact, real dogs with phenomenal temperaments.

Have you ever considered breeding smaller poodles?  Why or why not?
I do have smaller standards in my program. A standard poodle is any poodle over 15 inches at the shoulder. A 15 inch dog is actually quite small, in the 20 pound range. Many people don’t realize standard poodles have such a large size range. My smallest poodles are around 19” and 30 pounds. Given the fact that I have children, including my disabled son, this is about the smallest size dog I feel safe having around. In the far-off future I might entertain a well bred mini, or importing a moyen from out of the country. A lot of times temperament isn’t focused on as much when breeding smaller dogs, and I really need the proper disposition and temperament in my dogs.

What sets you apart from other poodle breeders?  What do you do that others don’t?
I have an incredible passion for my animals. I never stop studying and learning, and I will change what I’m doing if new research is published that will give my puppies a better start in life. I work from home which enables me to be with my dogs nearly 24/7. They are all my personal pets that are with me at all times, they’re not out in a shed or kennel lonely just as “breeding stock”. I am with every single puppy as it enters this world, assisting the mothers in any way I can. My puppies are literally raised in my living room getting all the love and attention they could every need from the second they arrive. I implement programs to socialize and desensitize my puppies so they go home confident and with a solid foundation. Many breeders don’t allow people into their homes. Sometimes this is for safety reasons, but other times breeders have something to hide. I do take precautions, but I welcome people into my home to see how and where my puppies are raised, and how my adults live. I want to have transparency and to be trustworthy. Once my puppies leave I don’t wash my hands of them, they are partly my responsibility for the rest of their lives. My contract states that I will buy back a dog for life. I never want one of my puppies to end up in a shelter or unwanted. If a buyer were to break this contract, I will still get my puppy back. When they leave they are all microchipped, and I am listed as a secondary contact for life, and the info can’t be removed. If they end up in a shelter, I get called! This isn’t a business for me, my husband and I wouldn’t both need full time jobs if it was. It’s a passion and nothing brings me more joy than seeing the relationship between my puppies and their owners.

In life there are “good” and “bad” _____________.  So, what makes a breeder a “good” or “responsible” breeder?
Responsible breeders are breeding with a purpose. They are not just throwing intact dogs together. They have a goal and are working toward it with every litter. They work, tirelessly, to produce healthy animals that are better than the parents. They are incredibly educated on every aspect of what they do, and have policies in place to ensure their puppies are going to the right homes, not just with the first person who shows up with cash in hand.

What are red flags that people should watch out for when interviewing a breeder that indicates they aren’t a responsible breeder?
All buyers should go to a breeder with lots of questions. If the breeder can’t or won’t answer your questions, run. Ask about where and how the adults are kept. Ask to see them. A breeder that tries to hide things is never good. Ask them why they’re breeding, what their goal is. Ask how they’re insuring the health and well-being of the adults in their care, and puppies they’re producing. You can never ask enough questions. A good breeder will spend hours talking to a potential buyer for one of their babies.

Health testing…what is the absolute minimum that breeders should be doing?  What is the gold standard of health testing?  What are the results we should be looking for?
Each breed has health problems specific to them. I health test my dogs with PennHip, OFA, or both to get a good idea about hip health. I also test for over 160 genetic disorders, color, coat type, and genetic diversity. Genetic diversity is a big deal, especially in poodles. Any purebred dog is going to have a smaller gene pool, and poodles suffered a genetic bottleneck back in the 50’s and 60’s that greatly affected the breed. Two dogs that are unrelated on paper through their pedigree can be very closely related. By doing genetic diversity testing we can make better choices in breeding selections. We also don’t eliminate a fantastic breeding candidate if they are a carrier for a genetic disorder that won’t affect them in any way. We will breed that dog to a dog that is clear ensuring that any produced puppies will not be affected. Eliminating carriers from a gene pool further reduces the genetic population which causes even less diversity in the breed. Just testing isn’t enough. We now know that hip dysplasia has both a genetic and environmental cause. I raise my puppies only on a product called Vetbed that I import from the UK. It is the best product for hip and joint health out there. Even then there are things that are out of my control as a breeder. I offer a health guarantee as well.

Are titles on dog’s enough to indicate a responsible breeder?
Absolutely not, and a titled dog doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good breeding candidate. You have to look at everything to get a full picture of the breeder. Looking at the pedigree of the dogs, and what kind of dogs the breeder has produced in the past is also important.

In the dog world there is a huge divide between “rescue” people and “breeder” people.  Why do you think that is?  What could we do to bridge the gap? 
“Adopt don’t shop” has been peddled for so long without understanding why dogs end up homeless or in shelters. If all breeders were reputable, had contracts in place, microchipped puppies, etc, no dogs would even need adopted. It’s all about education. Adopt or shop responsibly should be the phrase that replaces it.

What do you wish rescues would do differently? 
I wish they were more honest. Not every dog is in a rescue because it was abused and dumped. I also wish they wouldn’t put the wrong type of dog with certain families. Most dogs are not properly matched with owners when they’re coming out of a shelter. Genetics matter in a dog, not every type or breed of dog is a match for every family.  There are MANY wonderful rescues as well that are absolutely doing rescue the right way. Sadly, though, they are not the majority.

What do you wish people knew about rescue?
Retail rescue is also a HUGE problem. Rescues are absolutely selling people dogs, and making a great profit. People are “shopping” whether they realize it or not. I despise the importation of dogs from other counties as well. There are not enough dogs in the US to fill shelters anymore. As such, rescues bring in dogs from other counties so they have something to sell. These imports are bringing in diseases not previously seen in this country that we don’t have vaccinations for, and they’re killing many dogs in the process. This is a major problem, and has to stop.  Again, hear me when I say that there are some rescues that are doing it right, but many are not, many are in it for profit.      

What do you wish other breeders would do differently?
I wish more breeders would breed with a purpose. Again, just because a dog is unaltered it doesn’t mean it should be bred. I wish they would vet potential buyers, and make sure the breed is the right fit and not just being sold because someone showed up with money.

What are the misconceptions about breeders that you encounter frequently?
People think we are all just in it for the money and don’t care about our animals. There is VERY little money to be made breeding dogs correctly. They think we’re killing shelter dogs while producing healthy puppies that are properly matched with their new owners. As I’ve shown, the opposite is true. A dog from a responsible breeder will not end up in a shelter. And if by chance they do, that breeder is taking that dog back. Good breeders are not the problem.

What motivates you to keep going?  To keep breeding?
I have a deep passion for what I do. It can be hard sometimes. Breeding is a money pit, and so much time and energy goes into it. It can be utterly exhausting, as well as heartbreaking. Not all puppies will make it, you can lose adult dogs. Sometimes that can nearly break you. Seeing what the dogs I produce bring to people’s lives makes it all worth it. My dogs save people’s lives sometimes. They bring them great joy and purpose. It makes what I do worth it.

How many litters do you have a year? 
The amount of litters I have varies. Sometimes its maybe one a year, sometimes it’s several. It depends on the dog’s physical condition, when they were last bred, age, and what my goals are for my breeding program at that time.

When one starts searching for breeders the websites can be somewhat daunting.  Can you tell me the difference between all these terms  “puppy mill”, “breeder”, “backyard  breeder”, “hobby breeder” and “preservation / responsible breeder”?
A puppy mill is somewhere that dogs are kept as livestock, and often in filthy conditions. They’re raised away from the family, and the goal is to produce as many puppies as fast as possible for the most amount of money.  I often hear people say, “I’m not a breeder, I just had a litter”. That makes you a breeder.  If you breed a litter, you’re a breeder. Doesn’t mean you’re a good breeder, or doing it right, but you’re a breeder, and there are responsibilities that come with bringing new life into this world whether you like it or not. A hobby breeder may or may not be breeding for the right reason, or doing things the right way.  A good hobby breeder will be breeding from health tested parents toward a goal of betterment for the breed.
 A backyard breeder is often the person who happens to have intact dogs and thinks it would be so fun to just breed a couple litters. They are uneducated, the dogs are not health tested, and again, the owner is looking for money. A responsible breeder is the opposite. Litters are often planned years in advance with a very specific goal in mind. Every box has been checked along the way to ensure the health and safety of the adult dogs and the puppies produced. New owners are carefully screened to ensure the puppies will be placed in the best possible home, and the breeder will be a part of that dog’s life in one way or another for the rest of its life. Your breeder is there to offer advice and solutions forever. It’s a partnership.

What is a puppy mill?  How do you make sure you don’t support one?
Ask questions, ask to see the adult dogs and where/how puppies are raised.  If you can’t do this, walk away! 

Where should a person NOT get a dog?  And why?
Do not buy a dog from a pet store. These dogs do come from puppy mills and large-scale producers. You don’t get to see how and where they were raised, you have no family history, they often have severe health problems, they’re not bred to standard, and they have temperament and behavior problems. Don’t buy from someone selling puppies out of the back of a vehicle for similar reasons. Don’t buy from someone you haven’t vetted. Be careful buying (yes, buying) a dog from a shelter or rescue, especially one with a sob story and high prices. I tell people when purchasing a puppy to make the decision with your brain, and not with your heart, which is sometimes easier said than done.

Would you ever sell someone two puppies at the same time?
There are VERY few instances where I would sell someone two at the same time.  It would literally have to be a trainer or someone who works with dogs that would raise them separately.  I’ve dealt with littermate syndrome and it’s not pretty.

If someone was interested in learning more about breeding and how to do it correctly where would you recommend that they start their education?  Do you have books, groups etc that you would recommend?
Get in touch with breeders. We need more good breeders, and I, at least, am always happy to share whatever information I can with people. “Book of the Bitch” by J.M. Evans and Kay White is a FANTASTIC resource for anyone interested in breeding, as is “Canine Reproduction and Whelping” by Myra Savant Harris. She actually has several books that are a wealth of information. You have to be careful with online groups. Anyone can state their opinion as fact. Make sure to do your own independent research to back up what you’re heard.

How many dogs do you personally own?
I have eight dogs!  Eevee, Ollie, Curly, Bijou, Frizzy, Bunny, Charlie, Freckles and my son’s service dog Jet.

Do they all get along? 
Yes! I’m lucky that my dogs all do great together. Poodles are luckily not a breed that’s prone to dog aggression anyway, and they love to run and play together, and literally will sleep on top of one another when resting.

What is a normal day for your dogs?
First thing in the morning everyone goes out to potty and run around a bit. They come in after for quiet time and to eat while we are getting kids off to school. They then go out to potty and play again, and come inside and hang out while I’m doing whatever I need to do. I don’t really allow playing indoors, and the dogs are expected to be calm and quiet, usually sleeping on a bed or chewing on a toy. Poodles have an awesome off switch and are generally very chilled out when they’re indoors. We often go on walks/hikes in the afternoon, especially when the weather is nice. We are lucky to own acreage, and have a large city owned open space out behind our house. Pack walks help to solidify our bond and relationship as well. Depending on the dog, we might have different training goals that we’re working toward, and we will spend time with individual dogs doing that. Grooming is an essential part of owning poodles as well, and 1-3 dogs a week are groomed which entails a bath, blow dry, nail clipping, and potentially trimming of their hair. The dogs generally enjoy it. Again, they just want to spend time with you! In the evenings before bed I like to take the dogs out to play fetch. Poodles love to retrieve, and it expels some energy before bed. They then all come inside and hang out with the family until bed. Poodles are easy dogs to live with, and are happiest just being with their people.

What are your hobbies?
Obviously, anything to do with dogs, and I love studying dog genetics, it’s a passion of mine. I love spending time with my children, and teaching them about nature and animals. I also knit and sew.

How is your son, the one who started this poodle journey for you?        
Ethan will soon be 12 and can’t live without Jet.  He is his constant companion and is always there for him.  Jet knows when Ethan needs extra attention and will lay next to him and sneak his head into his lap.  Ethan will pet him and his whole disposition will change.  It calms him down and centers him.  Jet makes it easier for him to interact with his peers and has opened up his world socially which wasn’t expected.  Jet has been right there with us in the ambulances and in the hospitals, he provides Ethan with so much support.  And giving other families exceptional service dogs is what drives my breeding program.

How can people contact you?
I am located just outside the north-east end of Colorado Springs, CO.
My phone number is 719-651-1358
Email is le.harrells.poodles@gmail.com,
Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/le.harrells.poodles/
My website is https://www.lhpoodles.com/

We have committed.  We found our breeder and we have put a deposit down on a puppy so there is no turning back now.  We chose to get a puppy from a responsible breeder.  I’ve already been asked by a few friends “Why didn’t you rescue a dog?  There are SO many homeless dogs!”  So, if you are secretly wondering the same thing here’s a list of why we chose a buy from a breeder instead of buying a dog from a rescue.

1. Compatibility.  My dog, Stanley, is well mannered and socialized with a rock-solid temperament, however I want the new dog to be compatible with him.  I want my dog to have a voice in the new dog we bring into the house.  This is far easier with a puppy than an older dog.  I know he would get along with any puppy we bring home but there may be a puppy that really clicks with him so Stanley will be with us when we pick our puppy.
2. Timing.  When you work with a responsible breeder you know when the puppy will be born, when they are weaned and ready to come home.  This allows us to plan accordingly and be ready.  No spur of the moment decisions here or waiting endlessly for the “right” rescue to come along at the “right” time.
3. Epigentics.  Many people get a puppy from a shelter or rescue thinking that they are getting a blank slate.  Quite often these puppies have behavior problems.  Especially fear.  Puppies are NOT blank slate.  Why?  Because of epigenetics.  In a nutshell, the experiences of the parents affect the offspring.  I want a dog with behaviorally sound parents.  Curious about epigenetics?  Here is a super quick explanation.  And a longer explanation here. 
4. Early learning.  The eight weeks the breeder has the puppy is super important.  Why?  Because the foundation of every animal starts the minute they come into this world.  There are critical and important phases that all dogs must go through to develop into sound animals.  I want a dog from someone who understands these phases and meets all their needs - especially at critical times. 
5. Health guarantee.  Reputable breeders carefully select the best health qualities in the dogs that they breed.  Every puppy born to a reputable breeder has parents that have gone through a series of genetic tests to ensure that the dog you get has the best possible chance of being healthy. So, our new puppy will come with a health guarantee that states “This puppy is guaranteed to be in good health and has been vaccinated and de-wormed properly for the puppy’s present age. The puppy has been thoroughly examined by a licensed vet, and given a clean bill of health. This puppy is guaranteed to the original buyer for two years against hereditary/genetic diseases, and hip dysplasia.”  That is not only piece of mind for me but also for my pocketbook.
6. Back-up Plan.  Reputable breeders stand behind their work.  Here is what my breeder has to say “I can tell you my dogs will NEVER end up in a shelter. Not only will I buy back dogs if they can’t be kept, but if, by chance, a dog I produced ends up in shelter, it’s microchipped with me as a secondary contact that can’t be removed. I am responsible for all my puppies for life. Shelters wouldn’t even be needed if all breeders did the same.”  Again, piece of mind for many owners.
7. Love of the breed.  I don’t want to end up in a world that just has “dogs”.  I love the variety of the breeds we have and don’t want to see them disappear.  Did you know that many breeds today have very small populations?  If some breeds were any other kind of animal, they would be considered endangered. You may find it hard to believe, but breeds can become extinct.  If we don’t support reputable breeders, we will lose them and lose the wonderful variety of dogs they breed.  For more on this idea read this blog.
8. Stacking the deck.  Right now, I don’t have a lot of free time and the time I do have I don’t want spend on a lengthy behavior modification program with my own personal dog.  I’ve been there and done that with my previous dog, Jasper, so I know what it entails but that doesn’t mean I want to go there again.  At least not right now.  There is no perfect dog.  Getting a dog from a breeder doesn’t guarantee that you won’t have problems or challenges. Not all breeders are reputable but that’s a topic for another day.  By using a reputable breeder I believe I am going to stack the deck in my favor of getting a temperamentally sound and healthy dog. 
9. Truth behind the curtain.  Rescues aren’t always what they seem.  Some are great and some are not.  "Don't buy while shelter dogs die" is great marketing.  It tugs at your heart strings.  But unscrupulous rescues and shelter organizations are responsible for importing almost double the number of dogs euthanized.  Why are "rescue organizations" not placing the dogs we have in the United States? Why are they spending donation money on importing more? There is such a thing as irresponsible rescue. “670,000 dogs are euthanized in US shelters every year.  1,000,000 dogs are imported from overseas by rescues every year.”  (Source – CDC & ASPCA) in addition, these dogs are often not healthy.  Here are just two examples from this year of poor health in imported dogs.  New strain of distemper and Rabies from Egypt dog.
   
10. High expectations.  My new dog will be a working partner with me and that requires a level of skill that the average dog owner doesn't need.  It gives me piece of mind knowing that I will know everything my dog has experienced in his life so I am not surprised by an unexpected response in the middle of a training class or private session.
    

Where you get your dog is a personal individualized decision.  What is right for one person may not be right for another.  Rescuing a dog doesn’t make you a better owner, nor does it give you the right to judge anyone who hasn’t rescued a pet.  Being a great dog guardian isn’t based solely on where you got your dog but how you treat the dog for the rest of their life.  The quality of the relationship and life you provide the dog is what matters at the end of the day.

The sun was shining, the snow was glistening and we were together.  Michael, Stanley and I were in the mountains we love so much.  It was our first time back without Jasper.  It was bittersweet.  We were happy to be back but we all knew it was different.  We were less.  Our pack is only three.  As we walked we talked.  "Are we ready?" and "Stanley is so lonely" being the two we kept coming back to.  In the end Stanley's depression sealed the deal.  We made a logical decision to get a puppy.  As I started my breeder search it was overwhelming.  I know so much more now than I did when we got Maverick and Jasper.  Hell, even my idea of a great breeder has changed since we got Stanley.  So, the hunt was on.  All very logical.  Timetables, cost, breeder experience,  planning etc.  All very logical.
But, where was my heart?  Buried.  Two weeks ago I got a shovel.  It was in the dark of the night as I lay in my husband's arms that I cried for all that we have lost.  Two dogs in less than three years.  My soul dog just two months ago, and here I was talking about a new puppy.  When you know the outcome how do you get back on the merry go round?  And in the dark, with his voice cracking my beloved said to me, "because the love is worth the pain."  Yes, the love is worth the pain so let's get back on.  Dig your heart out of your grief to give it fresh and new to a brand new soul.
I've found my breeder and if all goes well the puppy will be here at the end of spring.
For now, though, I will enjoy the present moment.  I will enjoy my sweet spot with my brown dog.  What is the sweet spot?  The time when your dog knows you.  Knows the rules, makes wise choices, loves you and GETS you.  This time is our chance to bond deeper with him as an individual not as a member of the pack.   To give him ALL our attention before he has to share us with a pup.
A dear friend recently said to me, "I wish you the peace of simply living your days as they unfold, neither rushing ahead or regretting where you have been."  Right now, I am living my days with my brown dog, appreciating what we have.  I'm not over the moon excited about a new puppy yet.  There is time for that.  Today?  Today I am enjoying my sweet spot with Stanley.

As I sit here on this cold first day of a new year I reflect on last year. Last year the theme that kept repeating in my life was “be present”. Present in a moment.  Quieting the thoughts in my head to be present in THIS moment.  Re-evaluating priorities to be present in this life.  Focusing on the present moment, this moment right here, right now and letting tomorrow or next week go.

My father was diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy in 2017.  Progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP) is an uncommon brain disorder that affects movement, control of walking (gait) and balance, speech, swallowing, vision, mood and behavior, and thinking. The disease results from damage to nerve cells in the brain. The disorder’s long name indicates that the disease worsens (progressive) and causes weakness (palsy) by damaging certain parts of the brain above nerve cell clusters called nuclei (supranuclear).  Estimates vary, but only about three to six in every 100,000 people worldwide, or approximately 20,000 Americans, have PSP—making it much less common than Parkinson's disease.

Before his diagnosis I had been visiting him once a week.  I could see his declining health but I just thought it was old age and that people age differently.  In the beginning I struggled with these visits.  What in the world do I talk about with my Dad?  But it wasn’t long and we found our rhythm.  One thing that we did was listen to Mike Rowe’s podcast They Way I Heard It.  If you get a chance, check it out.  You’ll like it.  That time, companionable silence opened the door to having wonderful heart to heart conversations.  He started to share with me in a way he never had before and soon I was telling him things about myself, my life that I once kept hidden from him.  Once we got the diagnosis so many things started to make sense.  Unfortunately, he has struggled with health issues all this year.  In the spring he fell and was hospitalized.  After rehab he rebounded a bit and was able to come home.  He could walk short distances with a walker but spent the majority of his time in a wheelchair.  We passed the summer like this.  I would visit three times a week and give my Mom a break from caregiving.  I would bath him, help him navigate the bathroom, make him lunch etc.  Modesty was quickly stripped away and again, it revealed a new level to our relationship.  During this time, I focused a lot of my energy on being present with him.  At the end of October, he fell again and this time he broke his tailbone.  Back to the hospital and rehab.  The day before Thanksgiving he was admitted to the hospital with a severe infection.  Cleared that up and he’s back at the rehab place.  I don’t know how long he will live.  Each time he has one of these health crisis’ he rebounds but he’s still losing ground.  When I am with him, I try very hard to be present.  To allow myself to let the world fall away and to just focus on him and what he needs.  He needs company, he needs patience, he needs help, he needs to be heard.  He needs someone to just BE with him.  Someone to hold him in light and love.  People say to me, “I’ll pray he gets better.” And they mean well but the disease is progressive and he’s 81 years old.  What I pray every day is this, “God, give us the strength the accept this situation, to be compassionate, to make the best decisions and give him a peaceful death.”  

In September, for my birthday, Michael and I were hiking and I had a crushing epiphany.  I had been spending so much time with my Dad that I had been neglecting my own family.  Jasper was getting older and I realized, sitting right there on that mountain, that I may not have much time left for hiking with him.  He has arthritis and even if he’s here next fall he may not be physically able to hike.  I sat in that field and cried.  I resolved right there to make some changes.  As hard as it was to tell my Dad I shared with him how I felt and that I was going to visit twice a week and take Jasper hiking while I still had the chance.  That I needed to be present for BOTH of them and this was the way I was going to accomplish that.  Little did I know how right my intuition would be.  At the end of September we discovered Jasper had a really infected tooth and enlarged lymph nodes.  He had surgery to remove the tooth and we chalked the lymph nodes up to the infection.  After his antibiotics were finished and his lymph nodes did not recede, we aspirated the nodes.  The pathology was inconclusive.  Could be leukemia, could be cancer, could be an infection.  We started him on prednisone.  Shortly after, on a Friday morning he spiked a fever.  The vet started him on some heavy-duty antibiotics and we discovered he was anemic as well.  I thought he was going to die that first night.  His breathing was so labored and he was so fatigued.  Once the antibiotics went to work he made it through the weekend and just like my Dad rebounded but wasn’t 100%.  I realized I had to figure out how to be present for him, now.  I reduced my work commitments as much as possible and made my time with him a priority.  I knew, in my heart, that I didn’t have much time.  I still thought, though, that I had more than we ended up having.  He had a pretty good two weeks and then on a Monday morning he was so fatigued.  I scooped him up and we cuddled on the bed all morning.  He was always my cuddle buddy.  I called Michael to come home early because I had to visit Dad and go to work and didn’t want him to be alone.  When I came home that night the look on Michael’s face told me everything I needed to know.  He wasn’t going to rebound from this.  We called the vet and made arrangements for them to come out the next day.  So, on Nov 6th, 2018 we helped our beloved companion and teacher pass from this world to the next.  He was at home surrounded by Michael, Monica, Stanley and I.  We were able to tell him how much we loved him and would miss him and that soon he wouldn’t be in pain anymore.  That soon he would be young and vibrant again and running with Maverick.  I keep telling my Dad that when he dies and gets to the other side to look for my dogs.  That they will be there waiting for him and will show him the way back to me.  I know that Maverick still visits us and he will show Jasper how to do the same.  While my heart hurts that he is not with me I know that he is not “dead”.  Energy doesn’t die.  He is just transformed and on to a new adventure.  Part of me knows that my time with him was a gift and that our connection is still as strong as always and our souls are intertwined and that we will be together again.  And part of me is still in shock that he is gone.  With Maverick we had a year of “pre – grieving” and a fast death, (he was gone 12hours after we found him unresponsive).  With Jasper we had a short period of “pre-grief”, just a few weeks and we didn’t even really know we should be preparing ourselves and a longer death.  We watched his body fail for 24 hours before he died.  And if that doesn’t sound very long to you let me tell you it’s an eternity when your companion can’t walk and has labored breathing.  I knew it was time to let him go because his physical body had failed.  But it was just so quick (just months) and so recent (6 weeks tomorrow) that I find I am compartmentalizing to just get through the holidays.  Just writing about it brings on the sobbing “ugly” crying that you see in movies.  I take solace in the fact that while I can’t be present with my pain now I was 100% present with him at the end of his life.  I gave him everything I could before he died.

In the spring Michael’s mom was diagnosed with cancer.  She had brain surgery and spent the summer cancer free.  It has returned and she will be starting chemotherapy soon.

But last year wasn’t all “bad news”.  There were really joyous moments as well.

In February my beloved niece, Monica and her husband Corey had a baby, Athena Bobbi Castellano.  I am over the moon excited to watch not only Athena grow up but to watch Monica and Corey grow and mature as parents.  Athena is the goddess of wisdom and war and is the perfect namesake for this little one.  Every time I see her, I think of the Shakespeare quote, “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” 

Last year Michael entered a small art show and took first place in sculpture.  Building on that success this spring he entered another show at a Denver gallery.  We had a few friends with us for opening night and when they handed out the awards he took Best in Show!  What an amazing moment!  Feeling the anticipation build as they went category by category and then finally hearing his name is a moment neither of us will forget.  And having our friends there to share the moment made it that much sweeter.  With that win came the opportunity for his own exhibition.  So, in October to celebrate Michael’s 50th birthday he had his very first art exhibition at Gallery 1505 in Denver.  It’s not a big gallery but it’s a start and it was so much fun to see him step into this next chapter of his life.  Hot on the heels of that exhibition he entered and was selected for his first international show, Craft Forms 2018.  It was a REALLY big deal to even be selected and we made the trip to Pennsylvania in December to attend opening night.  He didn’t win an award but he did sell his piece on opening night.  I can’t wait to see where Michael’s art takes him in this life and I wonder how his life would have been different if he had allowed himself to be an “artist” his whole life instead of waiting until now.

In October Michael celebrated his 50th birthday.  We went hiking and it was a perfect day.  It was sunny and warm enough for just a light jacket.  Not a cloud in the sky and no wind.  There were pockets of snow in the shady areas that the dogs could play in and dig.  I didn’t know it would be Jasper’s last hike but it was and it really was perfect.  We spent the day together in a place that we love and I know that Maverick was there with us.  And, don’t ask me why, but I dragged along my tripod so we could get some family pictures, never dreaming they would be our last with Jasper, but they were and I’m so grateful I have learned to listen to my intuition.  You can see we are getting a little grey, and maybe a little thicker around the middle but there’s just something about the picture that I love.  I think it’s “us” living our life in the present.  Not worrying if I have makeup on, or if my hair is perfect, or if we are dirty.  It’s us as we recharge our batteries and create memories.  I love it so much I put it on our  Christmas card.

I sit here right now, thinking about all these moments on 2018.  When you look at them individually you see some that were wonderful and some that were absolutely crushing.  But when you look at the whole picture you see life.  This quote seems to sum up 2018 perfectly.

“Life is amazing.  And then it’s awful.  And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.  Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary.  That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful ordinary life.  And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”
~L. R. Knost

As we all step into a new year may we all be “present” in the moment.  May we all see our breathtakingly beautiful lives.
Jennifer

People ask me all the time, “What do you feed your dogs?”  I always dread this question.  What I feed my dog doesn’t mean that is what you should feed your dog.  You should feed your dog the foods that allow them to thrive.  For some dogs that is a grain free diet.  For other dogs that is a raw food diet.  Perhaps even a home prepared diet is the key.  Your job as their guardian is to find the right food for your dog. 
When Maverick was a puppy I fed the same food my parents fed their dog.  The vet sold it to them so it must be a good food, right?  Wrong!!  It was (and still is) an awful food for my dogs.  Maverick always had gunky eyes.  My trainer at the time recommended I talk to someone about food so I found someone with more knowledge than me.  They pointed out that his current food was full of corn and that corn was not ideal for dogs.  I changed to a better quality kibble and his eyes cleared up.  But, then he developed hot spots on his body and was still itchy.  He had to go onto a steroid to stop the itching and this was all before he was 1.5 yrs old!  I knew there was something wrong and I started to research alternative foods.  I researched raw feeding.  Raw meaty bones.  I transitioned him and the change was dramatic.  His eyes were bright, his coat was great and his energy was wonderful.  This was a match for him.  I would classify myself as  a raw food feeder.  They still get dry food when we go hiking, in food toys or as a light morning supplement but the bulk of their food is raw.  I also do some crock pot cooking for them and they love that occasionally as well.  Variety.  My dogs thrive on variety.  I rotate my form of food and I also give a good rotation of protein sources.  They never get the same bag of dry food twice in a row.  I always rotate the manufacturer and the protein source.  This is what works best for my dogs.  What works best for your dogs might be different. 
So, how do you tackle the question of what is the best food for your dog? 

I am NOT GIVING YOU NUTRITIONAL ADVICE for your dog.  This is just one friend talking to another friend and here is what my food journey has taught me.

•  Do your research.  The books and websites that have really helped me are: 
  • Give your dog a bone by Dr. Ian Billinghurst. 
  • Unlocking the canine ancestral diet by Steve Brown 
  • www.thetruthaboutpetfood.com
  • www.dogfoodadvisor.com 
  • www.dogfoodproject.com
    
  • The Whole Dog Journal annual food reviews
• Be patient and be willing to try different things for your dog. 
  • Try different dry foods. Expensive doesn’t guarantee your dog will thrive on it.  There are quite a few really expensive dry foods that my dogs don’t thrive on and in fact have adverse reactions. 
  • Try raw foods - frozen and thawed. My dogs prefer commercial raw frozen and meaty bones thawed.
  • Try different brands of raw food. My dogs are not big fans of big patties but love nugget and morsels from Primal.  My dogs do not like dehydrated food but love freeze dried food.
  • Try dehydrated foods.  My dogs don’t like them but lots of dogs do.
  • Cook your dog food and try different recipes.  If you dog likes canned soft food then crock pot cooking is the way to go!  It’s cheaper and doesn’t have a ton of additives and preservatives in it.
• Rotate, rotate, rotate. You don’t eat the same thing every night and neither should your dog.  Good nutrition is balanced over time and different protein sources have different vitamins and minerals.
• Feed the best food you can afford.  I can't always afford to eat organic food.  But, that doesn't mean I completely give up.  When I can I select higher quality food for myself I do.  It's the same with your dogs.  What you put in your dog’s body affects how they feel AND how they behave so stack the deck in your favor.  Good nutrition supports your training program and poor nutrition undermines your training goals by affecting their bodies and brain.  If you can’t afford a high quality kibble consider supplementing your dog’s diet with fresh whole foods like cooked green beans, making some crock pot meals etc.  Avoid CORN and foods with corn in them!  Read more about the detrimental effects of corn in the nutrition booklet below.
• If your dog doesn’t like something don’t take it personally.  I had a friend who didn’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when he was a young kid.  It wasn’t until he was 8yrs old that they found out he was allergic to peanuts.  As a young child he didn’t have the vocabulary to say “this makes me feel icky” so avoiding the food was the only way he could communicate that it wasn’t good for him.  Dogs do the same thing.  They avoid foods that make them feel icky.
• Watch your dog’s stool.  For some dogs a change is food will cause loose stools.  You don’t want diarrhea.  But, there is a fine line between severe intestinal upset and a slightly upset tummy.  We all have an upset tummy from time to time because we ate something too rich.  If you eat the same bland thing day after day and someone finally gives you something with flavor there is a chance your system might be surprised and result in loose stools but that doesn’t mean the food itself was bad.  Just that your system wasn’t used to it.
• Your dog should be HAPPY about their food.  If they walk away and aren’t enthusiastic about eating they are trying to tell you something.  Listen!

There is a wealth of information available to educate yourself about food.  It can sometimes be overwhelming and confusing.  If, however, you listen to your dog, they will tell you what food they will thrive on.  We want healthy and happy dogs and that starts with the building blocks of their body-food!  You wouldn’t expect great health if all you ate was potato chips and fast food and neither will you dog. 

Check out my short nutritional booklet below.