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Learning to balance

7/26/2015

My dog has cancer. What does that mean? It means I now have a new “normal”. We all go through situations in our lives that change us. This is one of those for me. I know that this process will teach me many things. Maverick has always been a teacher to me. So, why should this be any different? What is the first lesson he is teaching me? How to balance. To balance tomorrow with today, looking forward while not missing the present. So often we hear people say “dog’s live in the moment” or “you should live in the moment”. What does that mean? It means that when Maverick is feisty and playful to savor it and not think that it won’t happen again or that he will be tired later. It means to let the dirty dishes sit awhile when my dogs say “let’s play!” and enjoy the moment with them. This is not easy for me. I am a planner. I am always looking forward. And to some degree I have to be this way. I own my own business. If I don’t plan for tomorrow I may not have a roof over my head!

That is where the balance part comes in. I have to balance tomorrow-work, treatment plan, my grief with today-spending time with Mav, making sure he is eating, taking his herbs, getting rest etc. I have to balance Mav’s needs with the needs of my other dogs. I have to balance Michael’s needs with those of the dogs. I have to balance my needs with those of the family and of work. To be honest I feel like I have been practicing a careful balancing act for a long time. Only now, if I slack off in the area of my family I feel guilty.

Emotions are a funny fickle thing. It’s almost like they are an alien in my body. My logic tells me one thing and then my emotions tell me something else. I know I should not feel guilty for working-I do need money to pay the mortgage and feed my dogs etc. But, I do feel guilty when I work 12 hours in the summer heat and have nothing left to give to my family when I get home. I feel a little guilty right now. I could be outside with my boys playing and I am inside writing this blog so that it can go in the newsletter that needs to be done by the end of the week.

So, how do I balance today with tomorrow and control my guilt in the area of work? I plan for the future but instead of planning a year out I might plan for a few months. When I am at work I focus on that but when I am not working I focus on my family. This also means evaluating how effective I am at work. If I am going to take time away from my family it will not be wasted on small classes or students who aren’t committed to working with their dogs. It means I will set better boundaries of “work” time and “life” time. This will be the hardest for me. Because I work from home it is easy to do just a little work and then 3 hours are gone and I have not honored my time off. It means trusting that working only 40-50 hours a week is enough. That I can work smarter and not harder.

I so often find myself saying “yes” to students and “no” to myself and my family. That is about to change. I will honor my time off and my family. I will give 100% of myself to my students when I am working and 100% of myself to my family when I am off.

I am trusting that my students will understand when I don’t respond right away to calls or emails. I hope they understand when I am booked and can’t see them right away. I trust that they will ask “how are you doing?” at a time that is appropriate so that I can maintain my focus on work. I am trusting Sharon to handle more so that I may focus elsewhere.

I wish I was independently wealthy and could just stop working and live every moment with my husband and dogs but I am not. So, I will have to balance it all.

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them --work, family, health, friends and spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls -- family, health friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life."
~Brian Dyson, former vice chairman and COO of Coca-Cola.”

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Test Results are in...

7/4/2015

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Sadly, the large tumor was malignant.

What does that mean? That means that it will come back. That means that it may have already spread. That means that I know what my beautiful black beauty will die from, I just don't know how much time I will get. We all know that we will die. That everyone we love will die. But, we shove that thought to the back recesses of our mind and it's only when we are confronted by it that we are forced to look at it. That is where I am right now. Looking at death and loss in a new very personal way. And I am struggling. I have never lost anyone close to me. Right now I keep shoving the emotions down into a black hole so that I can function. I know I need to feel them, to allow them to come but I am terrified they will consume me. So, when you see me and ask me how he is doing please know that I touched but I can't talk about it. If I talk about it I will not be able to be a good teacher for you.

Right now, we are focusing on healing from the surgery so that we can still go on our family vacation. This very well could be his last trip to Lake Powell. He is doing well and each day he is getting stronger.

The next step in his health plan is "staging" where we find out if it has spread. Once we have that we can determine a plan of action. Going forward will be determined by quality of life vs side effects vs longevity vs cost.

I pray every day that I get as much time as he can give me and that I will do what is best for him and not for me.

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Maverick's Tumor

7/1/2015

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Tuesday morning we headed to the vet for a fairly routine mass removal surgery. Because the nose and butt are so sensitive he had to have general anesthesia. We also decided to remove a few other suspicious masses as well. So, 5 masses in total. One on his nose, one on his back, two on a leg and the one of his butt.

A few hours later the vet called me. Maverick was doing "fine" but they had found a GOLF BALL sized tumor. After doing 4 of the masses they headed to the one on the butt and before starting had decided to express his anal glands. That is when they found it.

My heart started racing. A tumor? A large tumor? What does this mean? I told the Doctor to remove it and that I trusted him to take care of my boy. And then waiting…

A little over an hour later he called me to tell me that Maverick was out of surgery and that he was able to remove ALL of the tumor. Whew! Ok, that’s good. Now I could ask some questions.

How did this happen? Do poodles have a higher incidence of this? Should I have been expressing his anal glands? I didn’t think you do that unless there is a problem. Did I fail my dog? Did I miss some signs? How do you diagnosis this?

It is what they call an anal sac tumor. Some dogs show signs of it but many do not. The only way to diagnose this is with a rectal exam. He told me that EVERY dog over the age of 8 years old should have a rectal exam yearly with their check up. He told me that he doesn’t like to do them because most dogs hate it and if the dog looks healthy it’s easier to skip it. He told me to demand it.

I hope you NEVER hear the words “we found a tumor”. This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. We will get the biopsy results in about a week and I am PRAYING with every cell in my body that the results come back as a granuloma or benign tumor. I know Maverick can’t live forever but I am NOT ready for him to go yet. Maverick is home recovering now. What was supposed to be a fairly easy surgery ended up being a major surgery and he came home with stitches from head to butt!

So, while we wait for results I want to share some suggestions with you.

·         If your dog is over 8 years old demand a rectal exam. Male and female dogs have the same incidence rates.

·         GET YOUR HANDS ON YOUR DOG!!!! You need to know every inch of their body and do so on a regular basis. This is more than just grooming. FEEL them with your hands. Know what is normal for your dog so you know what isn’t normal.

·         Teach your dog to LIKE touch so that you both enjoy it when you are doing a body check. I really like TTouch for this reason. Not only am I doing a body check but I am enhancing my bond with my dog at the same time.

·         Teach your dog to TOLERATE procedures. This goes beyond nail clipping and grooming. This includes gentle restraint, ear care, eye care, nose care, mouth care (are you brushing teeth?) and yes, even butt care! While you aren’t going to give your dog a rectal exam yourself you should make sure that they tolerate someone handling their butt! Use a q-tip to circle the anus (don’t stick it IN) just circle it to get them used to touching in that sensitive area. Maverick didn’t blink an eye when I found the lump by his rectum. If I hadn’t found that we wouldn’t have found the other tumor.

·         Be proactive about your dog’s care. Be educated about the diseases your breed of dog may be prone to getting so you can notice them at the early stages. Maverick bloated when he was 2 yrs old and I knew immediately what the problem was and when the vet (who I no longer see) told me he was “fine” I told her “NO” he isn’t.

·         Make sure your dog gets ANNUAL checkups and if you spot something out of the ordinary take them in to see the vet. Don’t wait until their next visit, get it checked out while it’s small. And don’t complain about the cost. Your dog will NEVER go to college, NEVER play team sports or go to dance class, and NEVER drive a car. Even if you feed a really expensive food and great treats the annual cost of caring for your dog is cheap in comparison and there is more to owning a dog than just feeding it!

I don’t know what the future holds and waiting is hard. But, right now I am holding an image of my beautiful boy surrounded by healing white light, a clean slate with all abnormal cells gone from his body. I am picturing him in perfect health surrounded by those of us who love him.

Now, go kiss your dog and tell them how much they mean to you.

~Jennifer

“The wish for healing has always been half of health.”
                                                                                                ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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Rockin' Recalls and Solid Stays

5/4/2015

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Last week I was at Sloan's Lake park with a group of students that are in my Walking Club. At the end of the class I returned to my car with Jasper. It was a fairly warm day and Jasper needed a drink of water. There was no shade by the car and I wanted him to cool off. So, I dropped his leash and told him to 'stay'. I left him on the cool grass in the shade of large tree while I went to the hot car to get his water. As I was walking away I passed two men sitting at a bench and one man called out to me, "Will your dog really stay there?" My response was a dumbfounded "Yes". The man looked at me like I was crazy. Now, to be totally honest, I did leave one of my students with her dog nearby. But, if you know Jasper you know he is very bonded to me so to him he was alone. I left the student there only to support him if he needed it. Which he did. The man was so intrigued he walked over to him and wanted to pet him. My student politely told him that Jasper was working and that if he wanted to pet a dog he could pet hers. In the meantime three other people stopped to talk to my student and comment on Jasper's self control. So, in the span of 4 minutes four people approached the vicinity of my dog and he stayed where I left him. I did also have to re-cue him to stay when I got about 20 feet from him and the group of three people approached him-he was a little nervous about them. But, I didn't have to go all the way back. I only had to turn around and give a hand signal from about 15 feet away. All four of those people were blown away by his skills. I returned with his water, gave him his drink and then as we were leaving the man from the bench called out, "That is a good dog you have! Very disciplined." I won't lie I was proud. But, also a little sad that the idea of a dog with self discipline is so rare that it is note worthy.

Now, the funny thing about this whole situation is that I never once doubted Jasper's ability to stay there. I didn't back away slowly hoping he would stay repeating "stay....stay...stay" the whole time. I turned my back and walked away. My "stay" wasn't a hope. It wasn't a request. It was a command that was not open to negotiation. If you know me well you know that I don't often issue commands, that often my dogs and I have a conversation about what we each desire in a given situation. But, when I do give a command, I fully expect them to comply. I make sure that I do my job of clearly showing them what it means and I slowly build up their skill. But, when the time is right I fully expect them to do their job of listening to me and complying. I don't spend my life issuing commands and thinking for my dogs. I encourage them to think for themselves. But, I also take my job as guardian seriously and feel it's of utmost importance that they can listen to me in a highly distracting environment because you never know when you might need it.

"Punishment may make us obey the orders we are given,
but at best it will only teach an obedience to authority,
not a self-control which enhances our self-respect."
~Bruno Bettelheim

Jasper didn't stay there because he feared me or because he has "an obedience to authority" but rather because he has self-control. And I know that he was just as proud of himself as I was of him. This whole experience has shown me that I really need to help more of my students teach this skill to their dogs. Their dogs should have self control and self respect too.

So, I will be teaching a class with three weeks dedicated to stay and three weeks dedicated to recall. It's called my Rockin' Recall and Solid Stay class. This class is coming soon so keep an eye out for it on my class schedule.

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Is the walk enjoyable? On both ends of the leash?

3/30/2015

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The number of dogs I see outside walking is starting to increase day by day. The warm weather is bringing all of us out of our homes. Teaching a dog to walk politely on leash is on the top 5 list of things clients want me to teach them. It seems like everyone struggles with this. Why of why does it have to be so hard? I think walking is so frustrating because we have different goals than our dogs do.  And I have different goals than most of my students. I'll never forget a few years back I was out walking my dogs and I encountered a woman who rudely asked, “Who’s walking who?” She didn’t stop to hear my answer, she just kept walking in the opposite direction. I must admit, it caught me off guard and kind of irritated me. What made her say that? My dogs were both politely walking with me. It took me a minute to figure out why she commented. Maverick was on my left side and Jasper had gone in front of me and over to the right to smell the grass. Neither of them were pulling on the leash but they also were not in perfect “heel” position.

Why do you walk your dog? I walk my dog because I know that it is up to me to give them mentally enriching activities. They don’t have opposable thumbs, they can’t pick up the car keys and drive themselves to a movie when they are bored of being in the house.   I walk my dogs because I enjoy getting outside, seeing the world and hanging out with them. It is an opportunity for me to really focus on my dog and enhance our relationship by spending time with them. My walks are enjoyable because I am not fighting with my dogs to behave politely. They don’t pull me down the path, they walk WITH me, not AGAINST me. This also means that I walk with them and not against them. We are walking TOGETHER. I am not walking them and they are not walking me. WE ARE A TEAM. We are cooperating. To many people that seems like a foreign concept.  That is why the lady commented to me, she thinks that I must be walking them. Does that means they are walking in a perfect heel position or slightly behind me “respecting my leadership” as some people advise? I can’t tell you how many dogs I see being walked with a gentle leader or choke chain, heads down, tails down, just trudging along with their owners. Any interest in anything is corrected and the dogs are so clearly unhappy. I also see many dogs who are pulling their owners down the path, the owners have no control and the owners are clearly unhappy. Surely there must be a happy medium, a way for both owners and dogs to be happy on a walk. A way to walk your dog without hurting them or being a battle of wills. Yes, there is a happy medium, but it takes some work on your part to effectively communicate to your dogs what you would like from them. And, that doesn’t happen overnight. But, when you make an effort to really spend some quality time connected with your dog your life will change.

We want a dog that walks politely and doesn’t pull us. Have you ever stopped to think about what your dog wants? I think that dogs want a few things. They want to get out of the house. They want to hang out with us. And they want to smell, smell, smell the world around them. While we view and asses the world based on what we see, they base it on what they smell. We have approximately 20 million scent receptors in our nose, depending on the breed they can have up to 200 million scent receptors. Yes, 200 million to our measly 20 million. That is why the telephone pole is so interesting. We can’t smell anything but they can, and do. We see spring flowers popping up and they smell dirt disturbed. So, yes, they do want to stop and smell every pillar and post and bush and rock and….EVERYTHING!

So, we want to keep moving, and they want to stop and smell. In this Go, GO, GO world of ours I often wonder if our dogs aren’t trying to tell us to slow down and smell the roses. What’s the hurry? Can’t we just see (or smell) what’s out here? We think that we must walk at a quick pace so we both get exercise. I have news for you. Walking with us is not a physical exercise. No matter how quickly you walk it’s still a stroll for them. Studies show that they average 3 miles to our 1 mile when we are walking off leash. Their normal pace is so much faster than ours there is no way we can make a leash walk aerobic exercise for them. However, it is a MENTAL activity for them. We all know that having a hard day at the office thinking can wear us out faster than a day of physical yard work. And so it is with our dogs. I tell my clients all the time that you can physically exercise your dog for 30 minutes or mentally challenge them for 10 minutes. The results are the same, a tired dog. So, yes, leash walking is a valuable activity for our dogs, and us.

If walking your dog isn’t an enjoyable get some help. Life is about learning new things and once you learn how to walk your dog you can change it from a battle of wills to a cooperative experience.

“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”
                                                                        -O.A. Battista

For now, I leave you with this. If your thought is, “Ugh, I have to walk the dog. Man, it’s a pain and I don’t really want to.” Then don’t. They feel your emotion regardless of the words you say. So don’t walk them. Take them out back and throw a ball. Do something you find enjoyable with your dog. And if you can’t think of anything enjoyable that you like to do with your dog then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with your dog?

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Stanley's Birthday-foundations of a great dog

2/25/2015

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Stanley as a puppy

Today is Stanley's 3rd birthday! My puppy is now an adult. People ask me all the time, "When will my puppy grow up?" And my answer is, "Sooner than you think!" What they really want to know is when they can expect their puppy to stop doing doggie things and "behave". And the truth of the matter is that age is only one contributing factor to overall behavior. I have spent these first three years laying a foundation of behaviors that will be with him his whole life. What are the building blocks of this foundation? Trust. Love. Learning. Impulse Control. A job. A Relationship. These are the foundations of a great dog.

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Is Love a feeling? A choice? And what does it have to do with dog training?

2/5/2015

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It is February, the month of cupid, chocolate and love. We throw that word around quite often. I love cookies, I love chocolate, I love football, I love my dog. What does that mean? What is love anyway? Is it simply an adjective to describe something we really really like? Or is love an action? I believe love is a choice, an action. I also believe love can be a state of mind. Are your decisions and choices rooted from a place of love or a place of fear?

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Forward>>

Learning to balance

Test Results are in...

Maverick's Tumor

Rockin' Recalls and Solid Stays

Is the walk enjoyable? On both ends of the leash?

Stanley's Birthday-foundations of a great dog

Is Love a feeling? A choice? And what does it have to do with dog training?

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