Blog Posts

Stanley is a life saving rock star!

2/7/2017

For over a year now Stanley has been a canine blood donor. Yes. Dog’s can donate blood. Just like humans, pets with traumatic injuries or with certain medical conditions often need blood transfusions. So, every other month Stanley and I trot over to Wheat Ridge Animal Hospital and he donates blood. And to be honest, I don’t think much about it other than it’s a “good” thing to do.
The other day we received this letter in the mail.

Dec 31, 2016
Dear Stanley and Family,
On Tuesday, December 27th, our pup, Will, had surgery for a liver shunt at Alpenglow Animal Hospital in Boulder. That evening he became unstable with some bleeding and clotting issues. We were very scared.
The next morning we got a call that he had turned a corner and was much improved. We raced to the hospital to see him and were so relieved to get kisses from him.
Above his kennel was a picture of Stanley, with best wishes. At first we weren’t sure what it meant, but quickly learned that it was Stanley who had donated the blood products that helped Will recover.
We are forever grateful that you and Stanley choose to share his good health with other animals in need. Will weighs less than 6 pounds so he is probably not a candidate to donate but we are going to find a way to pay it forward.
We brought Stanley’s card home with us an he will now hang as an ornament on our Christmas tree with all our other human and furry kids.,
Again, thank you for making the effort to help other animals in need.
Fondly,
The Ehrenbergers

This letter brought tears to our eyes. We had helped save a life. It means to world to us that this family took the time to acknowledge his gift.
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life it’s so easy to make excuses why you are “too busy” to do something like donate blood. I used to donate blood and haven’t done it in a long time. I’m done making excuses, my appointment to donate is Feb 17th and Stanley is donating this Friday.
Click here to find out if your dog is eligible to be a blood donor.

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Lessons from 2016

1/5/2017

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I'm not usually one to write a "Christmas Letter" when I send holiday cards. This year, however, I did and so many people commented on it I decided to share it with you.

So many Christmas letters are accounts of a year of things “done”. We did this, we went there etc. And that’s great. For me, though, this year isn’t so much about things “done” but rather the theme of “time”.

Not having enough of it. Stopping to capture and remember in crystal clarity a moment in time. Realizing that my life, any life really, is just a teeny tiny drop in the bucket of time. Watching my life radically change in a single second of time. Everywhere I looked this year I was confronted with time.

In July 2015 we discovered that Maverick had cancer. From that moment in time my heart started to hope and weep at the same time. I hoped to give him the best time he had left. I hoped to have more time and I wept at the thought of his passing.

For years Michael and I had a dream to take the dogs (Maverick especially) to the ocean. Oh, how he loved the water. Lake Powell, creeks when hiking, our pond in the backyard, if there was water, he was in it. So, to us the ocean was the big kahuna of water. We were planning a trip in August 2016 but with his diagnosis we moved it up to January 2016. I am SO glad I listened to that small quiet voice that said, “Go NOW! You don’t know how much time to you have left”.
So, we rented an RV and took a road trip to California in January. Standing among the sequoias and coastal redwoods that are THOUSANDS of years old really humbles you and reminds you that your life, however long, really is just a tiny drop in the bucket of time. You come away contemplating all the things those trees have seen. All the changes in the world in their lifetime and all the changes yet to come. I came away wishing I could ask the trees, “What lessons have you learned? What can you share with me?”

We made it to the ocean and I can honestly say that it was one of the best days of my life. I sat on the beach watching my husband play with the dogs and I wanted to memorize every single thing about that moment. The way the sand felt under my toes. The way the sun warmed my face. The sound of the waves crashing on the sand. The way the most important people in my life were having the time of their life. I just sat there and soaked it all in. To every cell of my body I wanted to remember this. Yes, I took pictures and one now hangs in my hallway so that every time I see it I am reminded of the best day of my life. Those precious moments when a long standing dream came true.

In April I watched my niece, Monica; marry a very nice guy, Corey. It was a beautiful wedding and again, I caught myself grabbing a moment to just memorize every detail. Her beautiful smile, his happy laugh, my friends sharing in this wonderful life event. I very much look forward to getting to know this young man much better as time goes along.

In May I took a trip with a girlfriend to Arizona and once again I was reminded of time. Saguaro cacti don’t grow an arm until they are 75-100 years old! While not as old as the redwoods that’s still pretty dang old for a plant! During a hike I saw my first “century plant” which is really an Agave Americana plant. These live 10-30 years and at the end of their life they bloom once and it’s spectacular. Driving through Arizona and seeing the saguaros again made me think “What have they seen in the last 100 years?” So many changes and I’m sure so many things that have remained the same.

On July 5th Michael and I returned home to find Maverick unresponsive. He was alive but just laying there; he didn’t even pick up his head when we walked in. We scooped him up and rushed to the vet. All the time I was hoping…when the x-ray came back we knew the cancer had returned. He had been absolutely symptom free for a year and fine the day before and here he was, dying. One moment, one word and my world changed.   It’s amazing to me how easily your mind can disconnect from your body. You can go through the motions of life and be absolutely numb. Our beloved companion, friend, guide, and teacher passed from this world to the next on July 6th. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I miss him so much. We all do. Now, I’m having a hard time sending out Christmas cards that are signed “Michael, Jennifer, Jasper and Stanley” without Maverick. He was such a part of my life, our life, for so long that it seems so wrong not to put his name down. To be 100% honest, quite often it feels like he is just in the other room. Like he keeps walking out as I walk and in and I just miss him. I don’t know if that will change, this is my first experience with a close personal death and it’s all so new to me.

In October my brother married the love of his life. To be honest, I never thought it would happen. I thought he would stay a bachelor his whole life. As I sat in the church I was overcome with happiness for him. I’m not the type to cry at weddings, but at his I did. He waited such a long time to finally find the right person. So many moments of his life he was by himself. To know that he isn’t alone anymore, well, it just made me so happy that his moment in time came that I found myself crying in the pew. It really was a celebration after such a long wait I was so happy to be there to share that moment with them.

I sit here right now, thinking about all these moments of 2016. When you look at them individually you see some that were really wonderful and some that were absolutely crushing. But, when you look at the whole picture you see life. I found this quote about life and it seems to sum up 2016 perfectly.

“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”
~L. R. Knost

May you all have a breathtakingly beautiful life.

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Every Day with Cancer

5/16/2016

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May is Pet Cancer Awareness Month.

It’s almost a year since I heard those dreaded words. It’s cancer. And you know what? Maverick is doing great! Back then I didn’t know that you could live with cancer and still thrive. Yes, he is slowing down but that has more to do with his age than with the cancer. If you didn’t know he had cancer you wouldn’t be able to tell.

So, how is life with cancer different?

Every day I make sure he eats. He can eat pretty much anything he wants now. My agreement with him is that he can have whatever he wants but he MUST eat every day. Some mornings he wants a peanut butter cliff bar. Some days he wants kibble. Some days it’s red meat and some days it’s chicken. He has really taken a liking to Evanger’s Hi-Bio semi moist dog food and Primal’s freeze dried dinner patties. I have had to try lots of new variety to encourage him to eat. Sometimes I hand feed him to make it fun and that can sometimes get him to eat more. What does he love the most? Bison. When I am lucky and find it in the markdown section at the store I buy all of it. I don’t worry about quantity anymore just that he puts SOMETHING into his body everyday to fuel it.

Every day he gets his medicine. He has four herbal teas that I brew for him every two weeks and he gets a tsp or two of each every day. In addition he gets a thyroid support tincture and a THC tincture. It takes about 5 minutes a day to administer them all but it’s a tiny price to pay. I also give him coconut oil when he wants it.

Every day I celebrate small things. Like the vet being unable to feel any growths during his rectal exam at his last check up. Like him feeling peppy and wanting to play longer than usually.

Every day I play with him. I make time for him regardless of how busy I am.

Every day I say this prayer. (I have actually done this for each of my dogs every day for years. It’s my morning ritual. I put my hands on them, I touch my head to theirs and I pray.)

“Thank you Lord for bringing Maverick into my life, to be a teacher, a guide, a companion and friend. I ask that you bless him with an extra long life on this physical plane so that I may learn all that I can from him. During that time I ask you to grant him more good days than bad, more health than sickness, more happiness than sadness and may he always know how much he is loved.”

May you never hear the words, “Your beloved pet has cancer” but if you do, know that you still have time to make Every Day great.

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Christmas with cancer

12/19/2015

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Christmas with cancer sucks. There. I said it. While Maverick looks and feels great (which I am so grateful for) I hear that little voice whispering “Is this his LAST Christmas?” I know he doesn’t really care about Christmas but everywhere I look I see “love, family, happy” etc and it’s a painful reminder that his time is ticking away. He IS my happy, my love, my family. And if you tell me he’s “just a dog” I will kindly tell you to go f*** yourself. Ok, so that isn’t really kind but I would say it with a smile.

I feel a little foolish and naive. I am sure there are many people who have experienced a difficult holiday season. I know I have had hard holidays-for entirely different reasons. Usually it’s family drama that puts a damper on my holiday spirit. But, this is entirely different. I really have NO holiday spirit. I decorated the house in hopes that the saying “fake it until you make it” would work and it isn’t. I’m still just sad. I don’t want to shop. I don’t want to send cards. I don’t want to bake. I don’t want to do anything. I have been using my work as a distraction but I know that isn’t healthy. I also don’t want to look back and think, “Shit, I spent his last Christmas working too much.” So, I’m in this really crappy place. If I’m not working I’m sad and weepy. If I am working I’m not spending time with him and feel guilty.

“You don’t know it’s his last Christmas”. You’re right. I don’t know. But, again, I don’t want to assume I have more time only to find out that he didn’t and I missed special moments.

In addition, my parent’s health is declining and I think “Will they be with us next year?” If you know me well, you know I am not a pessimistic person. I am realistic though and the truth of the matter is that we all die. I realize this time with Maverick is a gift. A painful journey of love and loss and that this is part of the process of preparing myself to let him go. My heart hopes and weeps at the same time. I hope I get another holiday season but I am weeping just in case I don’t.

For those who are experiencing a hard holiday I hope you know that you are not alone. Not everyone is having a “Merry” Christmas. For those of you who are having a great holiday I hope you are grateful for your happiness.

Maverick-Christmas 2013

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Pet Peeves from my walk in the park

11/2/2015

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Be forewarned. This blog may be a bit of a rant. I try to be patient with people. Really I do. But there are just some days that I am human and people annoy me.

The other day I decided to walk all my dogs at once. This is a rare occurance at my house. Why? Well, for one thing it’s not as easy as you think it is. And for my students with only one dog-you have NO IDEA how easy you have it. Even the most reactive single dog is easier to handle than multiple dogs. With each dog you add you exponentially make it more difficult. Our biggest challenge right now is that Maverick has really slowed down. He likes to smell everything and when we walk alone it is a slow pleasant walk. But, when he is with either of the other dogs there is a huge difference in pace. When you have all three it’s even worse. Yes, I can slow the other two down and I can speed Maverick up but I don’t like to micro manage them that way. Plus, the other day I saw Maverick stumble trying to keep up and that just broke my heart.

But, the reason for this post isn’t about Maverick it’s a rant about what happened on our walk. I came home super frustrated. Not because of my dogs-I get it. They live in the moment and they just want to go our normal pace and Maverick was slowing us down. No, I was frustrated with the most of the other people I encountered and one person in particular.

I propose that there should be rules of the road when you are walking your dog. Etiquete that everyone knows and follows. What I see day after day varies greatly. Some days people and dogs are very polite and sometimes they are clueless and sometimes they are just rude.

Here is what I propose:

Pulling off: When another dog(s) is approaching from the opposite direction the human with the smallest NUMBER of dogs should pull off or concede space. When you are driving and arrive at a four way stop if you are the first car to approach the intersection you go first. If two cars get there at the same time, then the car who is in the right is the one that goes first. A similar rule could apply to dog walking. If you are walking one dog and someone has two dogs you pull off to the side. This gives the person with two dogs more room to pass. If you have three dogs and someone has two dogs the person with two dogs should pull off to the side etc. It is far easier to get a single dog to sit politely and wait than it is to get three dogs to do the same. I can hear you now, “But, Jennifer, if your dogs are so well behaved isn’t it easier for you to pull off?” Yes, MY dogs can do this but many can’t plus it is frustrating to always be the one to concede space. Sometimes I just want to walk past a dog and because they can’t control their single dog I have move? Seriously? I have to move my three dogs off the path so you and your ONE dog can walk by? Even though you could have taken the other path and avoided us altogether?

Indicate clearly: Once you have decided to pull off indicate that clearly to the other person. No, you don’t have to stop right then but start to angle your body away. This lets them know where you are going so they can adjust as necessary.

Don’t judge: I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten the “look” from other people when I am out walking Jasper. It was a long hard road to transform him from the barking, lunging, drag me down at the sight of other dogs dog to the dog he is now. Now, he might bark once or twice and sometimes whines. The look you give me when he barks? Yeah, you can keep that to yourself. You have NO idea what we have been through. And that holier than thou attitude you have when you walk by because your dog isn’t barking? Let’s just say that karma is a bitch. He has taught me so much about being stressed out and over threshold on a walk. I don’t expect him to be perfect. I’m not. I love him and I understand him and I know that when he is barking it’s usually because your dog is throwing the equivalent of doggie gang signs his way.

DO NOT LET YOUR DOG GREET WITHOUT PERMISSION: “He’s just friendly!” That may be true. But, maybe my dog won’t appreciate your dog running up to him with the equivalent of a slap on the butt and a “hey, what’s your sign” type of greeting. This could be a whole blog by itself-and probably will be someday.

Poop: Besides just picking up your own I propose that you pay it forward and pick up a poo left by someone else. I will admit that once in my life the dogs surprised me and pooped more than I had bags and I left a poo. I felt terribly guilty and was far from home and had absolutely NOTHING to use. So, I now have poo bags in my purse, in my car console, in my treat pouch and now on my dog’s harness. I found a FABULOUS new poo bag holder. It’s from Molly Mutt and it is a soft bag. It is large enough to hold a driver’s license, a chap stick AND a roll of bags. Because it is soft fabric I don’t mind hooking it to my dogs harness. You could even stuff a few grocery bags in there if you don’t use the rolled poo bags. This is such a great find I will be bringing them in for the holiday show. I know that some people are just rude and never pick up their poo but I like to tell myself that I am helping someone who got caught without a bag.

Ok. I’m done. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Your polite dog trainer is back. Now, get out there and walk your dog but remember to be courteous to your fellow walkers.

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The autumn of Maverick's life

10/6/2015

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We can no longer deny that we are in autumn. It is certainly crisp outside! When I was a kid this was my favorite time of year. And don’t get me wrong, I still like it but this year it doesn’t hold the same appeal. Yes, it’s cooler for walking my dogs. Yes, the changing leaves are pretty. Yes, it’s time for harvest and soon the holidays. Yes, warm comfort food in the crock pot is great. But, and maybe it’s just circumstances in my life, this year it just doesn’t feel so comforting. I know that Maverick is certainly in the autumn of his life. I can see it in subtle ways. He has FINALLY healed from his last surgery and is feeling good again. I know that this time is a gift, really I do. However, I often feel like I am in the eye of a storm. His diagnosis and first round of treatment was like going through a really terrible storm. We were thrown around and it was rough. Now, we are in the calm in the middle. He looks and feels good and I am so grateful. But, I know that we have yet to go through the storm again on the other side. The difference is there is no calm on the other side of the impending storm. Just loss and pain. I have no idea when this storm will hit, just that it will. Probably when I least expect it. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some days it’s just so overwhelming. But, for now, we are trying to live one day at a time. I am making sure to slow down and enjoy my guys. I am making sure he eats every day. That is sometimes a challenge and so many nights I am hand feeding him. I am doing everything holistically that I can for him. He is on essiac tea, some other herbs, and a THC tincture. We are doing regular sessions of acupuncture, chiropractic and TTouch. I can’t stop the storm from coming but I can try to delay it as long as possible!

So, as the days gets shorter and cooler please cherish your dogs. Walk a little longer. Throw the ball a little longer. Teach them a trick. Spend some extra time with them doing fun things. The time will go by much too fast and soon you too will be in the autumn of your dog’s life.

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Lake Powell 2015

8/28/2015

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I have been going to Lake Powell since 1979 when my dad first took us all. After that first trip he was hooked! It wasn’t long and we were going every year. Once I got married my annual trips stopped and we didn’t go for a long time. When Maverick was a puppy my mother excitedly asked us if we wanted to go again. I think she felt like it was taking grandkids or something. Lord knows my dogs are the closest thing to grandkids she’ll ever get out of me! I digress. So, when Mav was just under a year we went to the “lake” as we call it. The next year we went with Jasper. We went every year for a few years again and then another long break. Funny how life gets away from you and years pass. Four years ago my sister moved back to Colorado and bought onto the houseboat, my Dad has shares in a boat-like a timeshare but the weeks change every year. You need to have people who know how to drive and anchor a 65 foot houseboat and after her husband died she needed help to go to the lake. So, once again we started to go again every year. All my dogs have gone to the lake before their first birthday!

I tell you all this so that you will understand what the lake means to me. Yes, it’s a lake. But, it’s so much more than that to me. There are so many memories and emotions connected to that lake. Fun family memories when I was a kid. Tragic memories when I was in high school. (that’s a story for a different day). Memories of my sister’s kids coming to the lake as small babies. Then kids and teenagers and now adults. Memories of my boyfriend who is now my husband coming on vacation with my family. And now, lots of fun memories with my dogs. Maverick’s first trip his hair was too long and he was so hot we had to keep a wet towel on him all the time. Teaching Jasper how to swim, not just run on the shore and steal the toy from Mav. Maverick falling into the water when he was barking at ducks. Stanley being too scared to jump onto the boat from the dock. Yelling at Jasper to “stay” on the beach so we can set anchors without him “helping” us. Stanley and his friend Eve playing chase and tag on the beach. Hiking and exploring with them. So many memories packed into one place.

The other wonderful thing about the lake is that we have zero cell phone coverage once you leave the marina. That means I have to totally 100% unplug from work and get to reconnect with my boys and that includes my husband. We play, we hike, we sleep, we swim. We spend an entire week together and there are no distractions from the world. No social media, no email, no phone. For me, it is a slice of heaven and it rejuvenates my soul.

Maverick’s surgery was scheduled in June so that he would have plenty of time to heal so that we could go to the lake this year. Unfortunately, he developed a stitch abscess and we weren’t sure we were going to make it. The vet gave us the “ok” to go on Tuesday and we left on Friday. Thankfully we have gone so many times packing is fairly easy, we know exactly what to bring. While we got the “go ahead” we had conditions. We had to keep his bum clean and dry him after swimming. Apply Neosporin, let him rest, make sure he eats etc. I wanted him to have fun but I didn’t want it to be at the expense of his health. Needless to say I was kind of a nervous Nelly for the first few days. We were VERY fortunate to find the best campsite we have ever had. And that is saying a lot when you have been going for over 35 years. (Oh my Lord! I suddenly feel really OLD! 35 years?) This campsite had shade for most of the day. That meant it wasn’t hot sun beating on us all day. When it’s 100° and you’re in the hot sun it just sucks the life right out of you and you spend most of the day in the water to stay cool. This shade was a gift from God. It allowed us to keep the dogs cool without being wet all day which helped Maverick’s bum. It also helped him maintain somewhat of an appetite. He only lost 4 pounds instead of his usual 7 pounds. It’s so hard to get them to eat when it’s that hot. Because it was cool in the morning we all got to sleep in. Basically our mornings were really relaxed, I read four books, and in the afternoon we would play in the water when the sun was out and then eat dinner and the dogs would head to bed. Jasper normally sleeps with us and this year Maverick was the king of the bed. He had no qualms about stretching out diagonally across the bed and was sound asleep when we came to bed. Did he get up? Nope! Did we ask him to? Nope. We just crawled in under him.

I caught myself thinking “this is the last time he will be here” on a few occasions and I would quickly shove that thought away. But, it was always there, a tiny little whisper. On our last day on the beach I was playing with him at the water’s edge and the sun was moving behind the canyon wall. All I kept thinking was “No! Not yet! We leave tomorrow and I’m not ready.” I wanted to stop time. To freeze this moment. I studied everything. The way the water felt, the sand beneath my legs, Maverick's wet hair, Michael sitting next to me. I wanted to have a crystal clear picture that I could add to my memory bank. I wish someone would have taken a picture but we were all together and I wasn’t going to get up and ruin the moment. Both Michael and I knew that these precious minutes might be his last at the lake. And then the sun was gone. The moment gone. We had to get out of the water so he didn’t get cold. Get him cleaned up and have our last night on the beach. We had a huge celebration bonfire while he was crashed out on our bed. Happy and content. I was with him and watched the fire from the boat. I couldn’t tear myself away from him. And now, those are in my memory bank.

The next day we headed back to the marina and home the day after. Our last morning there, before we got into the car I decided to let them play in the water one more time. There were two young girls who came over to see the dogs and play with them. They thought it was great fun to throw the wubba and watch them retrieve it. When my niece came to get us one of the girls took Maverick’s toy and handed it to me. She told him, “time for you to go home now”. She was an angel from God. I don’t think I could have done it. I would have sat there all morning letting him play. And I don’t think Michael or Monica would have had the heart to tear me away. And then that was it. Our trip was done. His trip was done. Do I think he will be back? I really don’t know. I don’t know what the future holds. I hope he might have another trip but to be honest I am not sure if I could do it. This trip I was able to hold on to the hope that he could go again but the next time I will know for sure that it will be his last trip. I am not sure if I have the fortitude to do that.

It was a bittersweet trip. This is the first time I haven’t been eager to get back to work. I think it’s because I just want to go back to that last afternoon with the sun setting and my boy in the water. I want to live there for a little longer.

When I returned and was telling a friend about my trip this is what she said.

"I'm learning that every special occasion needs to be kept as a separate memory. You never know when circumstances may change, so the really nice times get preserved, each in their places. I drag them out from time to time with a smile. Sounds like this trip may hold a number of those special memories, that are forever linked to other ones in the past. But be confident that you will continue to have great ones that will keep you going!"

My friend nailed it on the head. The lake continues to make memories that are linked to other ones in the past and as each trip happens the links grow and grow. But, she is also right that we will continue to make great ones that will keep us going. Keep me going.

When you feel that whisper, that breeze on your cheek that says, “Remember this moment. It’s important.” stop and look around. Notice ALL the details. It is one of your special moments that you will want to bring out from time to time. I am hoping that our trip to California will be over flowing in special memories. Soon, that will be all I have left of them. Special memories and holes in my heart.

Time to go now, I am an emotional wreck putting all this on paper. So much easier to just say, “vacation was fine” but so many of you want to know how he is doing and how we are doing. I wanted to be honest about our trip.

So, now you know. It was wonderful and sad in equal parts.

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Learning to balance

7/26/2015

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My dog has cancer. What does that mean? It means I now have a new “normal”. We all go through situations in our lives that change us. This is one of those for me. I know that this process will teach me many things. Maverick has always been a teacher to me. So, why should this be any different? What is the first lesson he is teaching me? How to balance. To balance tomorrow with today, looking forward while not missing the present. So often we hear people say “dog’s live in the moment” or “you should live in the moment”. What does that mean? It means that when Maverick is feisty and playful to savor it and not think that it won’t happen again or that he will be tired later. It means to let the dirty dishes sit awhile when my dogs say “let’s play!” and enjoy the moment with them. This is not easy for me. I am a planner. I am always looking forward. And to some degree I have to be this way. I own my own business. If I don’t plan for tomorrow I may not have a roof over my head!

That is where the balance part comes in. I have to balance tomorrow-work, treatment plan, my grief with today-spending time with Mav, making sure he is eating, taking his herbs, getting rest etc. I have to balance Mav’s needs with the needs of my other dogs. I have to balance Michael’s needs with those of the dogs. I have to balance my needs with those of the family and of work. To be honest I feel like I have been practicing a careful balancing act for a long time. Only now, if I slack off in the area of my family I feel guilty.

Emotions are a funny fickle thing. It’s almost like they are an alien in my body. My logic tells me one thing and then my emotions tell me something else. I know I should not feel guilty for working-I do need money to pay the mortgage and feed my dogs etc. But, I do feel guilty when I work 12 hours in the summer heat and have nothing left to give to my family when I get home. I feel a little guilty right now. I could be outside with my boys playing and I am inside writing this blog so that it can go in the newsletter that needs to be done by the end of the week.

So, how do I balance today with tomorrow and control my guilt in the area of work? I plan for the future but instead of planning a year out I might plan for a few months. When I am at work I focus on that but when I am not working I focus on my family. This also means evaluating how effective I am at work. If I am going to take time away from my family it will not be wasted on small classes or students who aren’t committed to working with their dogs. It means I will set better boundaries of “work” time and “life” time. This will be the hardest for me. Because I work from home it is easy to do just a little work and then 3 hours are gone and I have not honored my time off. It means trusting that working only 40-50 hours a week is enough. That I can work smarter and not harder.

I so often find myself saying “yes” to students and “no” to myself and my family. That is about to change. I will honor my time off and my family. I will give 100% of myself to my students when I am working and 100% of myself to my family when I am off.

I am trusting that my students will understand when I don’t respond right away to calls or emails. I hope they understand when I am booked and can’t see them right away. I trust that they will ask “how are you doing?” at a time that is appropriate so that I can maintain my focus on work. I am trusting Sharon to handle more so that I may focus elsewhere.

I wish I was independently wealthy and could just stop working and live every moment with my husband and dogs but I am not. So, I will have to balance it all.

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them --work, family, health, friends and spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls -- family, health friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life."
~Brian Dyson, former vice chairman and COO of Coca-Cola.”

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Test Results are in...

7/4/2015

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Sadly, the large tumor was malignant.

What does that mean? That means that it will come back. That means that it may have already spread. That means that I know what my beautiful black beauty will die from, I just don't know how much time I will get. We all know that we will die. That everyone we love will die. But, we shove that thought to the back recesses of our mind and it's only when we are confronted by it that we are forced to look at it. That is where I am right now. Looking at death and loss in a new very personal way. And I am struggling. I have never lost anyone close to me. Right now I keep shoving the emotions down into a black hole so that I can function. I know I need to feel them, to allow them to come but I am terrified they will consume me. So, when you see me and ask me how he is doing please know that I touched but I can't talk about it. If I talk about it I will not be able to be a good teacher for you.

Right now, we are focusing on healing from the surgery so that we can still go on our family vacation. This very well could be his last trip to Lake Powell. He is doing well and each day he is getting stronger.

The next step in his health plan is "staging" where we find out if it has spread. Once we have that we can determine a plan of action. Going forward will be determined by quality of life vs side effects vs longevity vs cost.

I pray every day that I get as much time as he can give me and that I will do what is best for him and not for me.

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Maverick's Tumor

7/1/2015

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Tuesday morning we headed to the vet for a fairly routine mass removal surgery. Because the nose and butt are so sensitive he had to have general anesthesia. We also decided to remove a few other suspicious masses as well. So, 5 masses in total. One on his nose, one on his back, two on a leg and the one of his butt.

A few hours later the vet called me. Maverick was doing "fine" but they had found a GOLF BALL sized tumor. After doing 4 of the masses they headed to the one on the butt and before starting had decided to express his anal glands. That is when they found it.

My heart started racing. A tumor? A large tumor? What does this mean? I told the Doctor to remove it and that I trusted him to take care of my boy. And then waiting…

A little over an hour later he called me to tell me that Maverick was out of surgery and that he was able to remove ALL of the tumor. Whew! Ok, that’s good. Now I could ask some questions.

How did this happen? Do poodles have a higher incidence of this? Should I have been expressing his anal glands? I didn’t think you do that unless there is a problem. Did I fail my dog? Did I miss some signs? How do you diagnosis this?

It is what they call an anal sac tumor. Some dogs show signs of it but many do not. The only way to diagnose this is with a rectal exam. He told me that EVERY dog over the age of 8 years old should have a rectal exam yearly with their check up. He told me that he doesn’t like to do them because most dogs hate it and if the dog looks healthy it’s easier to skip it. He told me to demand it.

I hope you NEVER hear the words “we found a tumor”. This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. We will get the biopsy results in about a week and I am PRAYING with every cell in my body that the results come back as a granuloma or benign tumor. I know Maverick can’t live forever but I am NOT ready for him to go yet. Maverick is home recovering now. What was supposed to be a fairly easy surgery ended up being a major surgery and he came home with stitches from head to butt!

So, while we wait for results I want to share some suggestions with you.

·         If your dog is over 8 years old demand a rectal exam. Male and female dogs have the same incidence rates.

·         GET YOUR HANDS ON YOUR DOG!!!! You need to know every inch of their body and do so on a regular basis. This is more than just grooming. FEEL them with your hands. Know what is normal for your dog so you know what isn’t normal.

·         Teach your dog to LIKE touch so that you both enjoy it when you are doing a body check. I really like TTouch for this reason. Not only am I doing a body check but I am enhancing my bond with my dog at the same time.

·         Teach your dog to TOLERATE procedures. This goes beyond nail clipping and grooming. This includes gentle restraint, ear care, eye care, nose care, mouth care (are you brushing teeth?) and yes, even butt care! While you aren’t going to give your dog a rectal exam yourself you should make sure that they tolerate someone handling their butt! Use a q-tip to circle the anus (don’t stick it IN) just circle it to get them used to touching in that sensitive area. Maverick didn’t blink an eye when I found the lump by his rectum. If I hadn’t found that we wouldn’t have found the other tumor.

·         Be proactive about your dog’s care. Be educated about the diseases your breed of dog may be prone to getting so you can notice them at the early stages. Maverick bloated when he was 2 yrs old and I knew immediately what the problem was and when the vet (who I no longer see) told me he was “fine” I told her “NO” he isn’t.

·         Make sure your dog gets ANNUAL checkups and if you spot something out of the ordinary take them in to see the vet. Don’t wait until their next visit, get it checked out while it’s small. And don’t complain about the cost. Your dog will NEVER go to college, NEVER play team sports or go to dance class, and NEVER drive a car. Even if you feed a really expensive food and great treats the annual cost of caring for your dog is cheap in comparison and there is more to owning a dog than just feeding it!

I don’t know what the future holds and waiting is hard. But, right now I am holding an image of my beautiful boy surrounded by healing white light, a clean slate with all abnormal cells gone from his body. I am picturing him in perfect health surrounded by those of us who love him.

Now, go kiss your dog and tell them how much they mean to you.

~Jennifer

“The wish for healing has always been half of health.”
                                                                                                ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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Stanley is a life saving rock star!

Lessons from 2016

Every Day with Cancer

Christmas with cancer

Pet Peeves from my walk in the park

The autumn of Maverick's life

Lake Powell 2015

Learning to balance

Test Results are in...

Maverick's Tumor

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